Celebrating 5 Years; Celebrating Today

December 6 was my pre-CT scan blood draw.
December 12 was my every-6-month CT scan.
December 19 was my every-6-month appointment with Dr. Malviya.

"No changes" (no return of cancer)!
So I am celebrating my 5-year anniversary!
(Surgery was Jan. 28, but I am starting now.)

This does not mean there is no chance of return.
It means it has been 5 years, and it has not returned.

I am thankful!

Doctor-and-test-time tends to be a reflective time.
I seemed to concentrate on two themes.

1)  Waiting at Advent.
A theme of the season of Advent is waiting.
That seemed to coordinate with my own personal schedule of waiting.
Waiting for test results.
Waiting to see my doctor.
Waiting and wondering.
Hoping for something good.

2)  Vulnerability and needing a Savior
I rejoice at healthy test results.
Yet, I also know something about my human vulnerability.
There is both joy and mystery.

When I was a child, I knew I needed a Savior, mainly because that is what I was taught.
But I generally depended on my parents for any needs.

Now, I know that needs in life go beyond the help of any human.
I NEED a Savior that is beyond human.
Beyond parents or doctor.
Beyond myself.

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18:2 NIV

You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.
Isaiah 26:3-4 NIV

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

June 5
was my every 6-month CT scan.

It is humbling when someone looks inside of me:
whether inside my body, inside my head, or inside my soul.
It reminds me of my humanity
as opposed to
God's deity.

Maybe I would look back and say, "I thought there might be poor results on a CT scan,
because the tech did not talk to me as much after the procedure."
Or maybe I could say, "I knew it would be fine,
because I just knew it."

But the fact is, I did not know.
I could not guess.

I can have faith that God will take care of me.
But that is not the same.

God will take care of me,
whatever the CT results.

As we say,
"God is good...
All the time!
All the time...
God is good!

Whatever the circumstances.
God is God, beyond me, beyond my understanding and wisdom.
Available, dependable.
Almighty.





June 13
was my regular 6-month appointment with Dr. Malviya.
Quality time.

Drum roll:
The CT scan was clear!
-  "without evidence to suggest metastasis or recurrence of the tumor".

Dr. Malviya answered my list of questions and addressed necessary issues.

John and I checked out with (dear) Maureen, and left the office while it was still daylight!
John took me to dinner, and we celebrated.

I stopped by John's meeting and invited, "Ask me how I am."
"Wonderful!" I bubbled.

I am celebrating 4 1/2 years since my surgery.
And I am celebrating moments.
With thanksgiving!

Thank you for celebrating life with me!



"...even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand-
when I awake, I am still with you.

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:12-18, 23-24  (NIV)

(John just used this passage in last Sunday's sermon.)

Visiting Dr. Malviya

John and I just got home from my Dec. 8 appointment with Dr. Malviya. I am doing well. My Nov. 30 CT scan (pelvis, abdomen, and chest) was fine. Sigh. And bravo!

I go back for the same process in six months.

While waiting in the exam room, I quietly practiced some choir music (not because I am so diligent, but because I did not do it earlier). It was good for both my spirit and my breath.

"Peace, peace, peace on earth...
and good will to all.
This is a time for joy....."
(Words and music by Rick and Sylvia Powell)

And now, it is time to sleep.

Thank you, Holy God,
for health,
for moments of life,
for loving us,
for people to love...
and now for rest.

Jesus, please heal my Mommy.

Jesus, please heal my Mommy.
This is my prayer.
A simple child prayer.
I stand back in awe, knowing You are love, knowing you have all knowledge and power.
Knowing that you hold me in your arms as a little child.

Where did I learn about that love?
And how did I learn to feel it?
I learned as a child.
I learned from my Mommy and my Daddy.

And if You hold me, then certainly, You hold them who taught me.

Tomorrow morning, in just a few hours, my Mommy will share my surgeon, Dr. Malviya.
He will take out the cancer inside her.

Please bless Dr. Malviya.
And please help him and the team as they do their work.
Thank you for their wisdom and compassion.

Please help my Mommy to be strong through surgery and recovery.
Please help us to trust You with child-like faith.
Jesus, please heal my Mommy.


And may we live your love with every breath.



Matthew 18:3-4 (Contemporary English Version)
"Then Jesus said:
'I promise you this. If you don't change and become like a child, you will never get into the kingdom of heaven. But if you are as humble as this child, you are the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'"

A Visit with Dr. Malviya

Yesterday, Friday, August 22 was my doctor's visit.
8 1/2 hours at the office.

(While I was waiting, I walked around the blocks of Providence Hospital grounds a couple times, complete with sun clothes, sun hat, sun screen lotion, and walking shoes, which I later changed to sandals and clean socks, then read some of Nadine Gordimer's None to Accompany Me (set in South Africa at the end of apartheid), and then did some counted cross-stitch until I ran out of concentration. Then I watched some TV. I also visited with a couple familiar patients and a couple new ones.)

Home by 11:00 p.m.
I left the office in a thoroughly happy mood, and not just because I got to go home and eat!


Since my CT scan was clear, we were concerned with my basic body health.

Two particular action areas:

1) Some neuropathy in my toes. I need to keep walking, keep moving to help protect those nerve shields.
Invitation: If anyone wants to walk with me, that would be just what the doctor ordered!

2) Stomach muscles. I have a "very small (abdominal) hernia", weak muscle spot. I need to strengthen my stomach muscles in general. Dr. Malviya suggested left lifts. If I lie on my back and raise my heels a few inches off the floor, about 5 times every day every day this month, he says I will be ready to increase it next month. I am not good at this, but it is a place to start. Really? I did it once (not 5) so far today, and even then my small back arched up. I looked up a few directions so far: Floor or chair leg lifts; Yoga leg lifts; Alternatives. Looks like I need more research and may try different methods. I don't want my uncertainly or the difficulty to be an excuse to not to exercise!


As for the future...
(Yes, future.)
It looks like the plan is chemotherapy # 8 this Tuesday, then chemotherapy #9 in four weeks. That's it!
Then, rather than monthly doctor visits, I will come every other month.
(I almost said I would miss him, but did not.)

I am going to a retreat with my mom and sister in October, the usual week for my visit, but can wait to see him the following week!


Meantime, John sat with me all this time, reading a thick biography. Sturdy company.
And when we arrived home, we ate delicious food that James and Sarah had cooked!

Now, I must get moving!
Always, thanks for prayers and encouragement!
And, remember the open invitation to walk!