Good Days

It seems self-centered to call particular days "good" just because I am feeling relatively good and have a good appetite. However, I will still leave the title, as it does fit, and I am not saying other days are "bad".

Catching up
I have felt particularly good for about the last three days. I have had an appetite and have been enjoying food, and really have just been quite happy about that!

Balance
Before that I had been struggling more with balance.
From life decisions to bowel function.
How active vs. restive should I be?
I am finding more balance, and realize that each day, maybe each moment may hold those questions...
and am thankful for help in the process of working them out.

Tuesday - Wig Day and a Visit to Randa's
The big event on Tuesday, was that Molly G. came over (with her wisdom and experience and good humor), and John drove all three of us to Randa's Cutting Edge on Mound Rd., south of 14 Mile in Warren. I had not definitely decided to get a wig. The people at chemotherapy said not everyone does, and that there are lots of other comfortable head coverings. But they also gave me a card for Randa's, saying she gives "Free wigs to cancer patients". So I thought I would try it out as an option. Randa is a really kind and generous and sweet woman, and sent me home with two wigs actually. I had not expected to duplicate my own hair, so my goal was more some sort of head covering... maybe more for fun than to try to look exactly like I look now. So they are both short and different from my current hair.

Tomorrow's Hair
Even though my hair is not falling out yet, I know it will. My plan has been to get it cut short, rather than to find long hanks of it on my pillow in the morning. So even though my head and neck are still loving that warm protection today, my "nadir" (low white blood count) days are expected to be coming up this coming week, and it seems better to get out while I am more able. Tomorrow, Nicole is coming to take me to see Julie, who will cut my hair SHORT!


Wise Parental Advice
Mom told me to keep smiling.
Dad told me I do not have to always smile.
I need both those words!
Thanks!
I love you!

"For everything there is a season,
and a time for every purpose under heaven."
Ecclesiastes 3:1

"If You Give a Mouse a Cookie"

There is a children's book by that name that tells a story of one thing leading to another. (If you give a mouse a cookie, then you will have to give it a glass of milk, etc...) I am experiencing some of that. There was chemo on Wednesday and thus anti-nausea medicine, which seemed to work well. Then on Thursday, we went back to the doctor's office for an injection of "Neulasta", which is "white blood cell booster" to help protect against chemotherapy-related infection. In case that makes my joints hurt (it goes to the bone marrow), I can take Tylenol. In the meantime, because of taking iron and other drugs, there are other drugs to take for constipation, like Senokot-S and Milk of Magnesia. And now I need to balance those all out.

Two other highlights of Thursday:
- On the way home from the doctor's, we stopped by the Secretary of State to get my driver's license renewed (and got my picture taken while I still have hair).

- Friend Debbie came over in the a.m. and helped with cleaning. Ah... Thanks so much.

Chemo #1 - I Did Take Steroids

Today was my first chemotherapy day. My appointment was at 10:00 a.m, and I think we were done by 4:00 p.m. (including our questions), sooner than I expected really.

I walked out of the chemo ("infusion therapy") room at my doctor's office into the reception area, where a TV news show featured Roger Clemens declaring that he has never had steroids. I do not know about anyone else, but I will tell you they were part of my preparation for chemo, and along with everything else, have seemed to work very well so far. So far, no nausea. It could still appear, but I am glad that so far, so good. I think the steroids really picked up my appetite too. I came home So Hungry! I actually ate quite a bit of food for me these days. Of course I filled up quickly. And I had no naps today. So now my energy has worn off. (Next time I should be intentional about grabbing some z's at chemo. The pre-drugs made me a little sleepy.)

I did get some more dates for my upcoming schedule:

Feb. 14, Thursday
Back to Dr. Malviya's office for 24-hour-post-chemo injection to help protect bone marrow.

Feb. 27, Wed.
Go to the Lab for a "Blood Draw ".
In the next 7-14 days, my immune system may be lower, so they want to check what, if anything, I might need for that.

(John and I are also hoping to stop by a Secretary of State office while we are out to get my driver's license renewed - even though I can't drive for 6 weeks.)

March 10, Monday
Another Blood Draw to make sure that my counts are high enough for the next chemo.

March 12, Wednesday Noon.
Chemo Day #2.

March 14, Friday
Appointment to see Dr. Malviya

There is a plan, and it seems to be working well.

Oh, also John brought me an early "Valentine's present": a portable CD player, so if I want to listen to an audio book in the future, that is an option. (My library has resources!)

I mostly just read through today's paper and this week's Newsweek magazine today. Little articles seemed good for my attention span.

Some people told me they were specifically praying for me today.
Thank you so much.
It was a good day.
Love,
Laura

Thankful...

for
food brought over by "Touched by an Angel" volunteers and others,
flowers,
family,
friends,
neighbors,
offers of help still to be called on,
doctors,
nurses,
insurance,
car that works,
warm house,
"prayer shawls",
mending bladder,
healthy cells,
dragon-slaying medicine,
John
and other companion-travelers,
Loving God.

Out From the Cave

Today's Visit to Dr. Malviya's Office

John and I went back to Dr. Malviya's office today, not entirely sure what the day would hold. They re-checked my bladder function, and it appears to be progressing ok. I don't have to measure output, but remain conscious and intentional about it.

They also checked my blood, which looks fine.

So I will begin chemotherapy on Wednesday. 10:00 a.m. I will be given an "IV", through which the two different "chemo" drugs will be fed into my vein (first one, then the other), along with other helpful drugs, over several hours. A plan is unfolding. We saw the "chemo" room where we will be at Dr. Malviya's office (the building is near, but separate from Providence Hospital in Southfield). There are comfortable chairs for the patients and not-so-comfortable chairs for their guest. There is a TV for each patient, and I can bring food and things to do (magazines, etc.).

I will have medicine to help control nausea, beginning with five pills at 10:00 p.m. Tuesday night, and another five at 4:00 a.m. Wednesday morning.

Once again, I know I am in good hands.



Fireworks Hair

I like my hair. I have mostly kept a simple cut. Usually on the long side. When I was younger, I was sometimes referred to the "girl with the long blond hair and glasses". I seem to remember having a radical (for me) cut around my shoulders sometime in high school. Then, right before my wedding, I had it cut very short, maybe a little rebellion against the traditional long hair of brides, or maybe a little inspiration by Princess Diana. I am not sure. Anyway, I grew it out again. My default was always to let it grow. Sometime after Carrie was born, I got a short cut and curly perm. Wow, that was extreme for me. And fun. But since then, I have mainly had it cut between my chin and shoulders, maybe a little below. Simple to maintain. Easy to pull back for work. A good protection for my neck from sunburn. A nice cover to keep my head warm.

I also have never chosen the color. It has varied somewhat with sunlight and shadow. But it has settled into a warm honey, either dark blond or light brown. And more recently, I have been watching starbursts of silver. I was looking forward to all those colors combining. It seemed pretty exciting, and in my private effort at looking at aging with a positive attitude, I have thought of the change as "fireworks in my hair".

However, it seems I will be watching a different change. Dr. Malviya said the chemotherapy will probably cause the hair to fall out in about a month. I am not sure exactly what that means - at what rate, how much - more of what I do not know.

(I am prepared to receive no sympathy from male classmates/other friends or certain family members.)

I wondered what people do. It was sounding like everyone gets wigs. But today, the nurse told me not everyone does. They may chose hats or scarves or some type of covering. (The head gets cold.) I am glad she said that. There are options.

Footprints from the Cave

I am trying to find a balance of inner and outer space.
I probably really am healing up well from surgery.
But I cannot just rest now.
The work of chemotherapy begins this coming week.

John and I went to the oncologist for my "post-op" visit on Friday. The project of the day was bladder function. Dr. Malviya had sent me home from the hospital a week ago today with a catheter, trying to retrain the bladder to function on its own, since nerve endings had no doubt been involved in the areas where they worked during surgery. So we tried out the bladder (removed catheter at home) when we first got to the office at 1:00 pm, then were sent to the mall to walk around for 4 or 5 hours (my first outing), then we returned to the office for a second chance. I can make urine, but I was still retaining too much. So I am measuring and recording all out-put and will report back to him on Sunday by phone. If I seem to be doing ok with that, my understanding is that I will call on Monday to see the next step.

After some conferencing time, which our Parish Nurse Karen DeBenedet also attended, we arrived home around 11:00 at night. I had been setting my alarm for 7:30 (never mind that I woke earlier). But Dr. Malviya wants me to get up at 6:00 am to begin the bladder practice. I am sleeping mostly through the night now, which is a help.

I have been thinking about a story called, "Footprints in the Sand" by Mary Stevenson, in which a man reviewed his life in a dream, walking along the beach with the Lord. When he noticed places where there were only one set of footprints, he wondered aloud to the Lord if he had been left alone in his hard times. "The Lord replied, 'The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you.'"

I feel like that... that I am not in control, and things may look harder and scarier than I would have wanted. And yet, I know I am being carried in the Lord's arms. Always warmly, safely, lovingly. Whatever goes on around me and in my body. I know support also comes from those around me, near and far. Your love carries me as well.

I have not been writing as much during this recuperating time. I may think I need to carry my weight and write to keep up my end of communication. But I thought of this story, and reflected that there are times I am just being carried.

Quiet blessings and thankfulness...

P.S. Keeping track of the family.
Carrie drove safely back to her home in Philadelphia on Thursday. I miss her bunches.

Time Release Blessing

Laura continues to heal from her surgery. Every day I can see the little signs: her voice is coming back and with it, so is her level of conversation; she gets up more frequently - at times our biggest job is encouraging her to stay still; she is paying close attention to her schedule; she laughs more freely with less wincing. Her strength is returning and she is doing admirably well pulling herself in and out of bed. I am discovering she must be quite an athlete.

Healing, we have found, comes with time release blessing. The flow of care from our church, our other friends, and our family keeps gracing her with encouragement and love. Prayers, still are lifted up and she can feel them; so can I. Food that comes through a formal ministry at church which coordinates menu and delivery keeps us well-fed and more able to focus our attention on Laura. Cards are overflowing a basket I set out to contain them; many have notes that lift her spirits.

Our daughter, Carrie, has been with us since Tuesday, bringing her work and well-wishes of a boss and client who encouraged her to work from Michigan for as long as she needed. (Thursday she drives back to Philly, but the afterglow of her smile and resonance of her laughter will continue to bless us). James provides his computer counsel and a steady flow of witty remarks. He coordinates his personal schedule to be certain someone is always here with his mom. His girlfriend, Sarah, gives her hugs.

Laura's parents were able to drive between snow storms to be with her for a while each day since Monday. On Wednesday, I needed to work for a few hours back at the church, and they stayed with her while I was away. They had wanted to be with her during surgery, but it is evident that they were here at the right time: a time that their love and touch would work the strongest for her.

Laura told me to write this: her legs had begun to swell, and we were concerned about it; so I left a message at Dr. Malviya's office. He was so kind to return my call later in the evening, advising me to purchase post-surgical support hose. I found a pair at the fourth store I visited and returned home with the prize. Support stockings are...snug. Following the directions on the box to the letter, I turned them inside-out and placed them on her feet, rolling and pulling each to fit over her legs. It is amazing how much abuse she was able to tolerate. I learned three things: 1) I am not a very adept nurse; 2) you should not treat a patient in the same manner as you might try to move rocks with two-by-fours; and 3) Laura has an amazing patience and capacity for forgiveness. The stockings turned out to be a big help.

Blessings: everywhere we turn. It's kind of like a capsule that works for hours in continuous, intermittent release. God puts so many of you in the right place at the right time to provide the right dose of the blessing she needs next. Thank you.