What Difference Will Your Life Make?

John and I brought home a movie from the library last week on our anniversary, and just made time to watch it last night when I he got home from a meeting. It's called The Emperor's Club. (I would recommend seeing it before reading about it.)

The cover said it was "inspiring".

If a movie/book about a dog is "inspiring", it seems the dogs often die:
[I removed this list, in case anyone has not seen the movies/read the books I mentioned, and posted it in the "Comment" section, in case you do care to see the list.]

If a movie about a person is "inspiring", I wonder if a character might get cancer and die.
Not in this movie.
He is a teacher of western civilization at a boys' academy (and is played by Kevin Kline).
Main themes are integrity and hope.

John and I would watch it again (and would study it), and we recommend it!

The teacher teaches:
"Great ambition and conquest without contribution is without significance.
What will your contribution be?
How will history remember you?"

CT Scan Day

This morning, I had another CT scan.

After drinking a cup of "contrast", I walked around the hospital, inside and out. (Dr. Malviya likes an hour-and-a-half wait for the contrast to circulate.) I stopped over at Dr. Malviya's office and picked up a copy of my blood test from last week. (The CT people already had their copy; I just wanted to see the results myself.) The tests needed (for liver function) for the CT scan were fine, but my MCV (mean corpuscular volume) and eosinophils were high. I am not sure what that means yet. (Looked it up, but still not sure.)

But as I was walking around, I decided that if someone is starting to know where hospital drinking fountains are located, that might mean the person is too familiar with the hospital.
Ha!

On the other hand, walking outside, enjoying the beautiful summer blue sky and soft breeze, I loved being there, close to the hospital, but outside.

I also thought my funniest experience so far in the day was noticing the signs on a about-waist-high-or-so brick wall parallel to the front of the hospital, along the pick-up lane: "For safety. Please do not sit on wall." I wondered if people used to sit there and to smoke. Maybe someone sat up there and fell backwards. I pictured Humpty-Dumpty. Legs flying up. A small amusement.

There is a mural over the CT table/machine of the Grand Canyon. Ah... Sometimes it is good to think of other places, even when it is good to be where we are. Life is bigger than Here.

Happy #32 Anniversary John!

Memories

John and I met right after high school at our summer jobs as camp counselors at Camp Dearborn's Children's Resident Camp (the Children's Camp is now a golf course). Our boss was John Lance. We were married four years later on a hot hot July Saturday afternoon at my childhood church, Calvary Baptist (which was eventually sold to Hill Memorial Church of God in Christ, who warmly welcomed John and I on a visit years later) . My sister Bonnie was my Maid of Honor. Bridesmaids included John's sister Karen, and school friends Terry, Janey, and Nancy. John's Best Man was school/Camp friend Tom Hartley, and his Groomsmen were my brother Allan, seminary friends Mark S. and Warren, and MSU/Camp buddy Mark G.

John's mom and sister helped prepare the bridesmaid dresses and made the veils. And the women made their own dresses. It seemed like a good idea at the time to save money. (Yikes.) What good sports! Thank you!

Our reception was held in our church basement ("Fellowship Hall"), as were most I had attended at the time. The dinner was prepared with love by family friends, Gene and Leah Long. (It did not last too long, as there was no drinking or dancing - were not in my experience.) We spent the evening at my family's house, opening gifts and saying good-bye. Then John drove me off to see the mountains and the ocean for the first time.







Two years ago...
We spent our 30th anniversary in Kruger National Park, while on John's sabbatical in South Africa.
Ah, listening to the lions roar at night through our tent...









Last year...
James took us to dinner in our new town of Royal Oak, in the middle of chemotherapy sessions.
I was glad to be there, thankful to be with them.

To John:
This year...
More than ever, I am thankful, so thankful to be here.
So thankful for you, my husband.
I was just talking with my walking friend Sue C. about the gospel according to "Sabrina" (words of wisdom from a favorite movie) about living in and being thankful in the reality of life... right this mintute. (And not living in illusions.)

Long ago, when we were dating, and usually living far apart while in school/seminary, and so writing lots of pen-and-paper letters, you wrote a metaphor of a living, growing oak tree relationship, and its strength. And now, we are living in Royal Oak, and I appreciate the gift of your life, and our life together, this oak tree, more than ever.

I love you.
With joy...

Stretching Out July

Vacation - Part 2
We took a few days for a drive west to see dear friends.
(Unfortunately, sometimes we forgot about our camera.)

John and Laura Busch (yes, same first names; that's part of the charm) from Hartford, where we lived for 8 years, and where our children were born, and where I sometimes substitute taught, mostly at Red Arrow Elementary, where John B. has been principal, and where Carrie attended kindergarten and first grade). We had lunch in Lawrence. (I wanted all the desserts.)

Chicago area

Terry and Tom C. hosted us at Poundcake Farm (NW of Chicago), a lovely place of both peace and activity, with flower and vegetable gardens and even a baby deer sighting.


Good news/Good news: We were planning on Terry having a flexible schedule (fondly recalling joyous kitchen capers). As it turns out, we arrived just as Terry was beginning a new job! Good news for her! How gracious to have us anyway.

We had a (Brookfield) Zoo day with Terry and Tom.

Besides good talks and good food, we also enjoyed Poundcake and Paczki (their graceful playful greyhounds).

While in town, we also caught up and ate with John's colleague/friend Dean Francis at Millennium Park.













Susan Smoley (school friend) and the Art Museum (new Modern Wing)
We met Susan on the Metra train, a couple stops down from Terry, and commuted into the City together for a museum visit. A quick spontaneous connection!


Then...
Barb B. from Hartford, who now lives near her sons by Indianapolis, and who gathered her family for an evening visit, including our introduction to her two lively, healthy grandsons!
We saw Stephen (we share our age) and Janet; and Matthew (wow, all grown up!, and who also wonderfully landscaped Barb's yard) and Jackie, who kindly gave us their evening.
And food, lots of good food. Ah.
Barb also brought us to church with her, St. Luke's United Methodist Church in Indianapolis, Indiana, where we "met" John Wesley (rather, experienced a first-person narrative by Rev. M. Bert Kite).

We are so thankful for our friends and their generous time and graciousness.

Travel notes...
John and I finished two audiobooks together in the car: David Baldacci's Camel Club stories (mysteries),
The Collectors and Stone Cold. They helped with my road-restlessness.

Work
Yes, there is work to be done...
We celebrate life's joys, in the midst of everything.
Sadly, budget concerns often seem to cast shadows (even) over church/work life.
And we hold on to:

Do not sorry about anything,
but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving
let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God,
which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 4:6-7)

July So Far

(Photos on their way...)

Fourth of July
Visited church family campers and enjoyed a meal together!

Garden...
is growing.
There are actually (green) tomatoes!
Called the exterminator again though for neighborhood rats.
Hopefully they will be gone before tomatoes are ready.

Vacation Time with John - Part 1
Visited Mom and Dad up north.
Went canoeing on the AuSable River with John for the first time.
(No sharp turns and tipping over and ruining camera this trip.)
It was really beautiful!
(John has been on this river with James and also with my dad.)

Focus:
Look ahead, down the river, but also keep a shorter focus.
To the right at the shoreline: Great blue heron
Above, flying toward us: Bald eagle
To the left, just into the woods: a Doe
On the water's surface: Sometimes a reflection of the sky and clouds
Into the depths of the water: sometimes stones on the shallow bottom; sometimes dark expanse
(Of course, sometimes logs to be steered around!)

Back home...
and at a bridal shower for family friend Leanne!
Both Bonnie and Mom (with Dad) were in town for it.
Saw many other friends and family from Calvary days....

Vacation Sunday
Always fun to decide: where will we go today?
Visited the R.O. First Baptist Church today.
(Pastor - Dr. David Nichols - is a friend of John's from the community pastor's association.)
Really deep worshipful service.
Beautiful worshipful music with organist Min Sook Chung.
Difficult decisions ahead for them... preparing for a meeting this week.
The community has less families, decreasing over the last 40 years.
And there are many people for whom attending church is "not on the radar".
So what to do...
New directions and opportunities await.
(Some parallels with our own church...)

Closing Hymn:

My life is in You, Lord
My strength is in You, Lord
My hope is in You, Lord
In You, it's in You

I will praise You with all of my life
I will praise You with all of my strength
With all of my life
With all of my strength
All of my hope is in You


Postlude:
"Great Is Thy Faithfulness"

Ordinary Time

Ordinary Time:
Sometimes recognized in churches as a season between Pentecost and Advent.
For me, this period has seemed rather an Ordinary Time.
Each ordinary moment being thankful for health.

Thursday, May 28
Carrie flew in to Detroit!
Company prep.
Carrie helped a lot, including chopping veggies for taco salad and making a fruit tart and pecan pie








Company
John's family
John's mom, John's sister Karen, Phil
Anita & son
Annemarie with daughters.












Friday, May 29
Drove up north - John, Laura, Carrie & James - our family!
to "Grandma and Grandpa Hall's" place
Walked in the fields and woods with Grandpa.
Ah, fresh air.
Ate yummy food.
Looked at photos with Grandma.

Saturday, May 30
Celebrated Grandpa's birthday!

Drove home to Royal Oak
(Have to keep track of where current "home" is.)


Sunday, May 31
Jason and Kaitlin came over for dinner,
along with our family and Sarah
Allan stopped by after work, and volunteered to take Carrie to the airport
Carrie left. :(
Still, we were glad she came!

Back to church for an 80th birthday party - Chris C.


Wednesday, June 10
Volunteer/help with registration at County Commissioner Gary Woronchak's Senior Conference in Dearborn. (high school classmate).
Invited John's mom to attend, and spent the night at her place in Dearborn. Wild PJ party. Ha.

Friday, June 12

(Talked to George at English Gardens...)
Planted the garden!
Tomatoes - 8 plants (4 Chef Jeff Better Boy, 4 Chef Jeff Celebration)
Basil - 8 Chef Jeff - Green Bouquet (I think I am more used to "sweet" basil, but I did not see that variety the day I bought this.)
Green/Red Bell Peppers -1 Chef Jeff California Wonder; 2 Better Belle
Cilantro (Did not know it is also called coriander)
Parsley - 8 curly
Cucumbers - 4 bush

PD Rearick: Photographer /Cranbrook Master's Student (We know him from RO church)
John and I attented PD's photo exhibit "A Mid-Night Road Trip" in evening.
Wow. Very creative.




Saturday June 13
Classmate Gathering at Buca di Beppo in Livonia
Nice size for group conversations
John and I,
Marian and husband Tom and son Rob; Coy and wife Pola; Steve K.





Sunday June 14
Liturgist both worship services (readings)
Took a turn at the free water/lemonade station in front of the church for thirsty guests
at Royal Oak's Metal, Clay, and Glass Festival

Graduation Party for Jenny L.
Reminds me of other graduation parties in other places we have lived
Nice way to celebrate and visit with friends "old" and new

Wednesday June 17
Hauled hose around to water garden around fence John put up to protect plants from being eaten (someone started nibbling on one cucumber plant.)
Ran into a downspout extension with my shin. Ugh. Gash. At least it was through my long pants.
Am watching carefully for infection.


However, I am loving the lovely sight of those plants growing.
And yes, there is a certain peace of bending over, pulling out little weeds.
(Or is it my blood-pressure changing. Ha! Got that from my sister.)






Big weekend for the Tull Family.
Friday July 19, T.Jay and Ann's wedding.
Sunday, July 21, Kira's Grad party.
Lovely. (Photo: With classmates: Donna G., Kip T., Susan S.)














John and I also went to the Detroit River Fest for a boat ride on the Detroit River.
I love the feel of the wind in my face. (Photo: We are on Diamond Jack's River Boat -which was discounted for the Festival- looking toward Detroit and this police boat.)



Tuesday, June 30 Happy Birthday to my brother Allan!

Reading:
-I have used sleepless nights to read novels (it did not matter if I remembered them).
-Darker Than Night by Tom Henderson (not fiction) - My dad's book, significant because it is the account of a case of two Detroit-area hunters, missing for 18 years, the mystery unfolding near where my folks live.
-The Veggie Gardener's Answer Book by Barbara W. Ellis (read and/or skimmer most of it)
-Currently meditatively reading: A Mystic Garden - Working with Soil, Attending to Soul, by Gunilla Norris, sent by long-time friend Barb B.

An Examined Life

It is catch-up time again.
Where have I been?
What have I been doing all month?
It may not have seemed like so much to write home about at the moment.
(Note: As you may guess, I have not used "Twitter".)
However, I recall my intention to live the moments in joy and thankfulness.

A phrase came to mind:
"The unexamined life is not worth living."
I was not sure of its author or context, so I looked it up.
Socrates.
Interesting...So I spent some time reading this and other entries.
Socrates
There is a lot there, of course.
But my connection with those words (besides, perhaps, doctor appointments/exams) is that I do want to take time to reflect, to appreciate...
and now to document.


Norman Rockwell exhibit
Early in May, John and I finally found (or took) time to attend the Norman Rockwell exhibit at the Detroit Institute of Arts (DIA).

I particularly wanted to see:
Posters to Illustrate FDR's Four Freedoms's Speech

1) Freedom of Speech
2) Freedom of Worship
3) Freedom from Want
4) Freedom from Fear
Interesting note: Commentary on the series explained that the common use of the paintings focused the meaning of the speech more narrowly than FDR intended on those in the United States, when his speech actually intended these freedoms for the world.

A while back, I had pondered Rockwell's Thanksgiving table ("Freedom from Want") painting. It seems to illustrate not only an abundance of food, but also a perfect family, an idealized family. It is the kind of picture people may compare themselves against when it seems things are wrong in their own family, in contrast to everyone else's. However, I like to use my imagination to look beneath the surface to stories of what might also be there. Whatever suffering or hardship that I know of (except "want" of course) can be imagined on their faces or in their hearts. But this day, this meal, they will put that aside to celebrate together - with whomever is there this year.


Women's Time Away

A year ago, I stayed home protecting my fragile immune system while my mom and sister attended my "mom's retreat," the overnight women's conference at Mackinac Island that my mom has been bringing us to. They said I would come next time, although I did not look much beyond each month's chemotherapy. However, as chemotherapy #9, my last scheduled infusion, approached on September 23, I asked my doctor about going and he made a point of allowing my October appointment with him to be moved slightly later. After all, I had completed my regimen!

The day came for my sister to arrive from Erie, PA to drive me up north. Instead I received a phone call that she never left town, having landed in the hospital with a heart attack.

Who can explain this story, but my mom was in the hospital the same day - only in northern Michigan!

I just drove up to be with her. However, her doctor allowed her to leave and to go to the island. So we attended the retreat and had a good time. However, my mom was very tired, and it was not the same without my sister.

So, now, by the spring retreat, the anticipation had really built. We were finally all going to be healthy, and enjoy ourselves together! And we did!

It is good to have something to look forward to, and for us it was the Win-Some Women conference. Bonnie arrived at my house Friday, May 8, when we celebrated John's birthday (as we would be missing the actual May 12 date). We walked around my neighborhood, and I showed her places I had discovered while sometimes also talking to her on the phone. We also got food at one of my favorite places, The Inn Season Cafe. Bonus: Bonnie liked it too!

According to my memory, this was my first adult Mother's Day with my mom! As it turned out, John also spent time with his mom back in Dearborn! A good day!

I sometimes say that mostly what we do on Mackinac Island is sit and eat. We also listen.

Bishop Eugene Sutton (Episcopal) spoke about prayer, contemplative listening prayer in particular. He said that prayer is not the opposite of action (as in "there is nothing left to do"), but rather a prerequisite. It assumes a relationship where you invite the Creator Holy God into the core of your being, to see what you would rather leave unseen. There is a silence where we know God does the work, and we are participants in that work.
"Renounce your image of God.
Allow God to be who God is,
rather than who you need God to be."
(Cassian, I think)

Sutton also called on an old proverb in an interview I found:
"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with others."

Karen Covell spoke about praying for those in the media instead of boycotting or hating. She is a television producer, and began an organization called Hollywood Prayer Network to encourage that connection, calling Hollywood the "world's most influential mission field". She also encouraged the audience to consider their own "mission field", and making a difference where they live. Interesting concepts.



Over-lapping Scheduling

John left for Annual Conference (for work) the morning that Bonnie and I arrived back in Royal Oak.
I often used to attend those when we went to Albion and later to Calvin College.
They were like a kind of family reunion.


Time with James
While John was gone, I also had a bit of time with James.
We walked up to a new Vietnamese restaurant in Clawson, called Da Nang.
We got rained on, but it was worth it!


Why I Cry
I do not remember crying when I found out I had cancer.
Nor do I remember really crying much since, because of the cancer.

I may have tears at poignant movie scenes.
However, sometimes, tears come unexpectedly.
Who can explain these things?

Twice this month...

My Garden
Several weeks ago, a man came to our door to report on his company's service on our lawn.
He noted for the record that they would stay clear of any applications near our little garden area in the backyard, and that we could switch the service to an organic version. I thought that was later done, but a few weeks after that, I woke up to a notice on the door that the lawn had been serviced again. I started to look up the chemicals online. What if my garden were contaminated? What if I could not have it this year? What if...? I called, and the company said the garden should be fine. The tears passed.

Newspaper Hero Story
The second time tears came this month was when I read an article in last Sunday's Detroit Free Press called, "Heroic Teen Followed In Hero Dad's Footsteps" by Jeff Seidel. Katrina Wert of Reed City and her dad Master Sgt. Michael Wert both risked their lives to save two strangers in the dangerous rip-current of the Atlantic Ocean off North Carolina. The boys were saved. Katrina brought them in. Her father died. In pain and alone, the family moved back to Michigan, where Katrina eventually decorated her wall with quotations, such as "I intend to live forever. So far, so good."



Stealing Buddha's Dinner
by Bich Minh Nguyen

Enough tears. On May 19, I read articles in both the Detroit Free Press and the Grand Rapids Press announcing the coming-of-age memoir by a former Grand Rapids resident and immigrant from Vietnam as the 2009-2010 "Great Michigan Read". "Michigan Read encourages state residents to read the same work of literature." So I quickly checked out and read the copy from my local library, of course! I enjoyed reading familiar names and places, and also her abundant food imagery.



Weapon of Mass Reduction
The "Waistnipper"
I made a new purchase in my continuing effort to protect the post-surgery (weakened abs) hernia just above my navel. It has 14 sets of hooks-and-eyes.



Yard Angels

Last weekend Kathy and Bill arrived at my house again.
Last year, they had already worked more hours than I know to co-create with God a place of beauty.


Kathy stayed for hours, bringing more color and life to the space around us.
Mostly pink, against a dark mulch.
Mmmm. Lovely and peaceful.
I helped a little (and chatted and distracted her more).


Learning: Faithfulness of a Gardner

One day, I noticed our little garden plot of earth was almost covered with a wonder of nature, maple tree seeds/helicopters/darts.
I had thought I might try a wait-and-see approach.
Surely they would not all take hold and grow.
Maybe I could just pull out the shoots that might come up later.
But experienced gardeners advised against that approach, saying too many would come, and the results would be overwhelming. Better to catch them early.
Really?
Because there are a lot, and would take time.

So first John got a leaf-blower and went at it.
A good first-sweep.
But then I started picking them out, one by one, by hand.
A quiet contemplative time.
I thought about what fills our lives, that it is important to not let something that does not belong there to have a chance to take hold and grow
And just when I thought that my weeding job might be good enough, I thought:

"How many cancer cells would I be willing for Dr. Malviya to have left in me?"

And I kept weeding.

John took this photo of me working in the third application of soil amendement.
Now to let it digest so I can plant.

Carrie Is Coming!
Today, Carrie is flying in for a quick visit!
We will make a quick over-night trip up north to celebrate my dad's birthday.
So much to do!
So much to celebrate!