Motorcycle Ride with Dad

Earlier this summer, on a visit with my parents, Dad went out for a motorcycle ride.
He invited me along.
He loves the beauty and the wild freedom, I guess.
I love him.

He roared down the road,
with me sitting behind him,
in my own meditation space.

My conscious thoughts:
God, I am feeling so close to you,
in kind of a funny way,
with heightened senses.
I feel so vulnerable.
Long sleeves and pants and even helmet
are not much protection against a fall
or another vehicle
or an animal.
I could die any minute.
So vulnerable.

My experience:
I watch trees and woods and sky and even wild turkeys.
I feel wind in my face.
Air.
Breath.
Life.

My conscious thougths:
I am alive.
I am alive this minute.
I am alive and...  why waste a beautiful ride?
I am alive and I should enjoy the ride.
I am alive and I will enjoy the ride.
I am alive and I am enjoying the ride.
I am alive!
Thank you God for this moment... for this day.


God, may I trust you for the ride each day.

This is the day that the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24 (NRSV)

CA-125 Blood Check

I just opened today's mail.
A report arrived from Dr. Malviya's office.
One part was the results of last week's CA-125 blood test
(that I am getting every 6 months).
It  is 11.
 :D
I am floating on air.
Six months ago, it was 13, which doesn't mean much by itself.
It may just hover.
Or it could be a direction.

So now it is 11 again.
I am very thankful, and breathing fresh air.
(I see Dr. Malviya next week.
There was no CT this time because of passing the 5-year mark.)

 “Show me, Lord, my life’s end
    and the number of my days;
    let me know how fleeting my life is.
 You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
    the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Everyone is but a breath,
    even those who seem secure.
 “Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom;
    in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth
    without knowing whose it will finally be.
Psalm 39:4-6  (NIV)

In his hand is the life of every living thing
and the breath of every human being.
Job 12:10 (NRSV)

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord.
Psalm 150:6  (NIV)

Today's the Day - January 28

Not magic or earth-shattering.
Still, it is nice to have a day to associate with a celebration.
I can celebrate a whole month... and every day....
But yes, a specific day seems more concrete.
So, today I am celebrating the 5-year anniversary date of my cancer surgery.
(No known recurrances.)
It is good to be here.
Good to be here.

This is the day that the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24 NRSV

Celebrating 5 Years; Celebrating Today

December 6 was my pre-CT scan blood draw.
December 12 was my every-6-month CT scan.
December 19 was my every-6-month appointment with Dr. Malviya.

"No changes" (no return of cancer)!
So I am celebrating my 5-year anniversary!
(Surgery was Jan. 28, but I am starting now.)

This does not mean there is no chance of return.
It means it has been 5 years, and it has not returned.

I am thankful!

Doctor-and-test-time tends to be a reflective time.
I seemed to concentrate on two themes.

1)  Waiting at Advent.
A theme of the season of Advent is waiting.
That seemed to coordinate with my own personal schedule of waiting.
Waiting for test results.
Waiting to see my doctor.
Waiting and wondering.
Hoping for something good.

2)  Vulnerability and needing a Savior
I rejoice at healthy test results.
Yet, I also know something about my human vulnerability.
There is both joy and mystery.

When I was a child, I knew I needed a Savior, mainly because that is what I was taught.
But I generally depended on my parents for any needs.

Now, I know that needs in life go beyond the help of any human.
I NEED a Savior that is beyond human.
Beyond parents or doctor.
Beyond myself.

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18:2 NIV

You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.
Isaiah 26:3-4 NIV

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

June 5
was my every 6-month CT scan.

It is humbling when someone looks inside of me:
whether inside my body, inside my head, or inside my soul.
It reminds me of my humanity
as opposed to
God's deity.

Maybe I would look back and say, "I thought there might be poor results on a CT scan,
because the tech did not talk to me as much after the procedure."
Or maybe I could say, "I knew it would be fine,
because I just knew it."

But the fact is, I did not know.
I could not guess.

I can have faith that God will take care of me.
But that is not the same.

God will take care of me,
whatever the CT results.

As we say,
"God is good...
All the time!
All the time...
God is good!

Whatever the circumstances.
God is God, beyond me, beyond my understanding and wisdom.
Available, dependable.
Almighty.





June 13
was my regular 6-month appointment with Dr. Malviya.
Quality time.

Drum roll:
The CT scan was clear!
-  "without evidence to suggest metastasis or recurrence of the tumor".

Dr. Malviya answered my list of questions and addressed necessary issues.

John and I checked out with (dear) Maureen, and left the office while it was still daylight!
John took me to dinner, and we celebrated.

I stopped by John's meeting and invited, "Ask me how I am."
"Wonderful!" I bubbled.

I am celebrating 4 1/2 years since my surgery.
And I am celebrating moments.
With thanksgiving!

Thank you for celebrating life with me!



"...even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand-
when I awake, I am still with you.

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:12-18, 23-24  (NIV)

(John just used this passage in last Sunday's sermon.)

Lessons at a Grocery Store - Medicine Aisle

Wednesday,  I stopped at the store after my foot doctor appointment (Dr. Mozen said,  "It is healing well;  come back in a year!).  As I walked through the aisle of medicines, I briefly noted that I did not need anything in that aisle.

And I gave thanks. 


We ponder your steadfast love,  O God,
in the midst of your temple,
Your name, O God, like your praise,
reaches to the ends of the earth.
Psalm 48 9-10

Focus on Praise

Psalm 34:1-5

I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
I will glory in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.

I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.