Time: a gift of perspecive

I just realized that I did not label "2008" in my schedule of dates on the top of the right-hand column of my blog. There are all the months. But no year.

When I first started this blog, I had no concept of "this year" in the context of any other future years. But now, almost a year and a half past surgery, I am writing "2008" next to that first January date. I am still here. I have been both enjoying and contributing to life.

In time, my perspective has lengthened.

Better

I was actually done with my 2:00 pm oncologist appointment by 8:15 p.m. tonight.
I had prepared a lot more things to do while waiting.

However, I did get to walk outside for an hour.
Lovely day!
And I checked in with a cousin and two aunts by phone.
After I came back to the office, I read my A Mystic Garden, Working with Soil, Attending to Soul book for a while.

In the meantime, Nicole, the art therapist arrived in the waiting room and invited patients to come with her and participate in projects. I tried out the stamp pads, but mostly I talked. (I was the only one with her.) She had some very insightful questions.

By the time we were done, it was time for my appointment!

Dr. Malviya said my test results look good.
- In response to the high MCV score (refers to size of red blood cells, a deficiency of maturation), take folate (folic acid) and vitamin B-12. So we bought some on the way home.
- Don't worry about the high eosinophils score.
- Regarding the hernia, it will get worse in time, but for now, just keep wearing compression/elastic over it.
- As for the swollen legs, the longer (thigh-high) compression stockings are better than the shorter (knee-high) ones.
(If you ever see me trying to adjust all the stuff under my clothes, please pardon me. Something is falling down, or turned in and jabbing me.)
- Keep exercising, and exercise more.
- Come back in four months. (The routine: with a CT scan a week prior, and a blood draw a week before that.)

So I am doing well.
A good day.
Thank you.

"What a slow process it is to learn that an essential part of working, in a garden or in life,
is to let what is happening happen!
Of course, we must do our part,
but equally we must allow ourselves and our circumstances to simply be,
to evolve without force."
from A Mystic Garden (from "Autumn", p. 82)

CT Scan Results, etc.

My CT scan results came in the mail today. (I was not expecting them by mail. I had already left a message on [nurse] Gail's phone at the office.)

After more than a page of description (not all of which are clear to me), the concluding "Impression" reads:

"1. No evidence of recurrence or metastatic disease.
2.) Small paraumbilical hernia as described above."

So, good news about no evidence of disease! Thank you!
And no surprise about the hernia. (sigh)

I will see Dr. Malviya on Wednesday, where he will explain more (2:00 p.m. appointment, so I do not plan to be home before midnight).

I had taken a break from watering the garden and flowers, thinking I would wind the hose back later because it was heavy (hear a little whine). After opening my mail, I went back outside and wound the hose, carefully getting out the kinks, quietly thankful for strength and breath.

Inside... I opened up the windows so I can hear the wind in the trees while I write.


Weekend with Carrie and the 'Rents

Carrie passed through town again this weekend and is now back home in PA. We met up at the Mennonite Relief Sale by my folks' place. The weekend event is held in the woods on the Oscoda County Fairgrounds. The point is to raise money for world relief, but is a fun community social event as well. I just talked to my mom, who said the quilts brought in about $32,000, one of them alone bringing over $3,000. The total for the event was about $142,000 (at least preliminary figures?). I am always amazed at what they do in the middle of the woods.


We all arrived from different directions in time for the Friday night bean supper (simplicity is a theme of Mennonites). Saturday morning, John took off to do a wedding. Carrie and I stayed into the afternoon, while Carrie tried to examine a few lifetimes' worth of Grandma's photos. Then Carrie and I drove back to our house, and on Sunday, Carrie drove on to PA. We were so glad to see her!



Wind In My Face

Saturday Morning on the back of my dad's motorcycle...

Another summer that we didn't go fishing.
It is easy to attach meaning to events...
...Events to people.
Sit in a little boat and go fishing with my dad, because that is what my dad does.
He would always want to go fishing.
But what if he does not feel like it sometime?
Then I sit on the back of his motorcycle, riding to the fair to bring home lunch.
I am not really a motorcycle rider either.
I am terrifyingly thrilled, or thrillingly terrified.
But we go someplace, and we come back.
We are alive and the air in my face feels good.
So good.

A man once told me at the funeral home visitation for his father that he always hunted with his dad, but he did not really want to kill animals any more. He kept going, because that is what they did. Did he please his father? Did his father approve of him? Did his father love him? I saw those questions in his loss.

Perhaps he took those questions to his own grave.

Of course, people often find it easier to love what seems like them.
And yet...
I am not my parents.
My children are not me.
And yet...
I know my parents love me.
And our children know we love them (not that we always behave perfectly).

So obvious.
Yet real questions.
People sometimes wonder:
"Do people love me if I am not like them?"
"Do I love them if they are not like me?"

God made such an amazing variety of people.
And I love the wind in my face while I think these things.


First Fruit


We have had some parsley and cilantro, but other than that, our first harvest (ambitious-sounding word) came Saturday, when we picked our first cucumber! Wow! So John and Carrie and I had fresh-garden-picked crunchy cucumber with our salad!

New word: "bolt": what a cilantro plant does all too soon, starting to produce flowers and seeds, instead of concenrating on those fragrant leaves.



Tomatoes Ripen at Night

Both George, my English Gardens (agronomist) mentor, and Jill M., my Master Gardener friend, recently told me that tomatoes ripen overnight. But they need enough warmth during the night.

We have a lot of green tomatoes that seem to be waiting for those warmer nights. When those warm nights do come, and those tomatoes go on to perfection, we will celebrate greatly with gazpacho!

What about people?
Sometimes it seems they mature in their nights.
But what if their nights are too cold and desolate?
Not the best climate for them either.

Lord, I pray for warmth in the night... in so many places.

What Difference Will Your Life Make?

John and I brought home a movie from the library last week on our anniversary, and just made time to watch it last night when I he got home from a meeting. It's called The Emperor's Club. (I would recommend seeing it before reading about it.)

The cover said it was "inspiring".

If a movie/book about a dog is "inspiring", it seems the dogs often die:
[I removed this list, in case anyone has not seen the movies/read the books I mentioned, and posted it in the "Comment" section, in case you do care to see the list.]

If a movie about a person is "inspiring", I wonder if a character might get cancer and die.
Not in this movie.
He is a teacher of western civilization at a boys' academy (and is played by Kevin Kline).
Main themes are integrity and hope.

John and I would watch it again (and would study it), and we recommend it!

The teacher teaches:
"Great ambition and conquest without contribution is without significance.
What will your contribution be?
How will history remember you?"

CT Scan Day

This morning, I had another CT scan.

After drinking a cup of "contrast", I walked around the hospital, inside and out. (Dr. Malviya likes an hour-and-a-half wait for the contrast to circulate.) I stopped over at Dr. Malviya's office and picked up a copy of my blood test from last week. (The CT people already had their copy; I just wanted to see the results myself.) The tests needed (for liver function) for the CT scan were fine, but my MCV (mean corpuscular volume) and eosinophils were high. I am not sure what that means yet. (Looked it up, but still not sure.)

But as I was walking around, I decided that if someone is starting to know where hospital drinking fountains are located, that might mean the person is too familiar with the hospital.
Ha!

On the other hand, walking outside, enjoying the beautiful summer blue sky and soft breeze, I loved being there, close to the hospital, but outside.

I also thought my funniest experience so far in the day was noticing the signs on a about-waist-high-or-so brick wall parallel to the front of the hospital, along the pick-up lane: "For safety. Please do not sit on wall." I wondered if people used to sit there and to smoke. Maybe someone sat up there and fell backwards. I pictured Humpty-Dumpty. Legs flying up. A small amusement.

There is a mural over the CT table/machine of the Grand Canyon. Ah... Sometimes it is good to think of other places, even when it is good to be where we are. Life is bigger than Here.

Happy #32 Anniversary John!

Memories

John and I met right after high school at our summer jobs as camp counselors at Camp Dearborn's Children's Resident Camp (the Children's Camp is now a golf course). Our boss was John Lance. We were married four years later on a hot hot July Saturday afternoon at my childhood church, Calvary Baptist (which was eventually sold to Hill Memorial Church of God in Christ, who warmly welcomed John and I on a visit years later) . My sister Bonnie was my Maid of Honor. Bridesmaids included John's sister Karen, and school friends Terry, Janey, and Nancy. John's Best Man was school/Camp friend Tom Hartley, and his Groomsmen were my brother Allan, seminary friends Mark S. and Warren, and MSU/Camp buddy Mark G.

John's mom and sister helped prepare the bridesmaid dresses and made the veils. And the women made their own dresses. It seemed like a good idea at the time to save money. (Yikes.) What good sports! Thank you!

Our reception was held in our church basement ("Fellowship Hall"), as were most I had attended at the time. The dinner was prepared with love by family friends, Gene and Leah Long. (It did not last too long, as there was no drinking or dancing - were not in my experience.) We spent the evening at my family's house, opening gifts and saying good-bye. Then John drove me off to see the mountains and the ocean for the first time.







Two years ago...
We spent our 30th anniversary in Kruger National Park, while on John's sabbatical in South Africa.
Ah, listening to the lions roar at night through our tent...









Last year...
James took us to dinner in our new town of Royal Oak, in the middle of chemotherapy sessions.
I was glad to be there, thankful to be with them.

To John:
This year...
More than ever, I am thankful, so thankful to be here.
So thankful for you, my husband.
I was just talking with my walking friend Sue C. about the gospel according to "Sabrina" (words of wisdom from a favorite movie) about living in and being thankful in the reality of life... right this mintute. (And not living in illusions.)

Long ago, when we were dating, and usually living far apart while in school/seminary, and so writing lots of pen-and-paper letters, you wrote a metaphor of a living, growing oak tree relationship, and its strength. And now, we are living in Royal Oak, and I appreciate the gift of your life, and our life together, this oak tree, more than ever.

I love you.
With joy...

Stretching Out July

Vacation - Part 2
We took a few days for a drive west to see dear friends.
(Unfortunately, sometimes we forgot about our camera.)

John and Laura Busch (yes, same first names; that's part of the charm) from Hartford, where we lived for 8 years, and where our children were born, and where I sometimes substitute taught, mostly at Red Arrow Elementary, where John B. has been principal, and where Carrie attended kindergarten and first grade). We had lunch in Lawrence. (I wanted all the desserts.)

Chicago area

Terry and Tom C. hosted us at Poundcake Farm (NW of Chicago), a lovely place of both peace and activity, with flower and vegetable gardens and even a baby deer sighting.


Good news/Good news: We were planning on Terry having a flexible schedule (fondly recalling joyous kitchen capers). As it turns out, we arrived just as Terry was beginning a new job! Good news for her! How gracious to have us anyway.

We had a (Brookfield) Zoo day with Terry and Tom.

Besides good talks and good food, we also enjoyed Poundcake and Paczki (their graceful playful greyhounds).

While in town, we also caught up and ate with John's colleague/friend Dean Francis at Millennium Park.













Susan Smoley (school friend) and the Art Museum (new Modern Wing)
We met Susan on the Metra train, a couple stops down from Terry, and commuted into the City together for a museum visit. A quick spontaneous connection!


Then...
Barb B. from Hartford, who now lives near her sons by Indianapolis, and who gathered her family for an evening visit, including our introduction to her two lively, healthy grandsons!
We saw Stephen (we share our age) and Janet; and Matthew (wow, all grown up!, and who also wonderfully landscaped Barb's yard) and Jackie, who kindly gave us their evening.
And food, lots of good food. Ah.
Barb also brought us to church with her, St. Luke's United Methodist Church in Indianapolis, Indiana, where we "met" John Wesley (rather, experienced a first-person narrative by Rev. M. Bert Kite).

We are so thankful for our friends and their generous time and graciousness.

Travel notes...
John and I finished two audiobooks together in the car: David Baldacci's Camel Club stories (mysteries),
The Collectors and Stone Cold. They helped with my road-restlessness.

Work
Yes, there is work to be done...
We celebrate life's joys, in the midst of everything.
Sadly, budget concerns often seem to cast shadows (even) over church/work life.
And we hold on to:

Do not sorry about anything,
but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving
let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God,
which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 4:6-7)