Today's the Day - January 28

Not magic or earth-shattering.
Still, it is nice to have a day to associate with a celebration.
I can celebrate a whole month... and every day....
But yes, a specific day seems more concrete.
So, today I am celebrating the 5-year anniversary date of my cancer surgery.
(No known recurrances.)
It is good to be here.
Good to be here.

This is the day that the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24 NRSV

Celebrating 5 Years; Celebrating Today

December 6 was my pre-CT scan blood draw.
December 12 was my every-6-month CT scan.
December 19 was my every-6-month appointment with Dr. Malviya.

"No changes" (no return of cancer)!
So I am celebrating my 5-year anniversary!
(Surgery was Jan. 28, but I am starting now.)

This does not mean there is no chance of return.
It means it has been 5 years, and it has not returned.

I am thankful!

Doctor-and-test-time tends to be a reflective time.
I seemed to concentrate on two themes.

1)  Waiting at Advent.
A theme of the season of Advent is waiting.
That seemed to coordinate with my own personal schedule of waiting.
Waiting for test results.
Waiting to see my doctor.
Waiting and wondering.
Hoping for something good.

2)  Vulnerability and needing a Savior
I rejoice at healthy test results.
Yet, I also know something about my human vulnerability.
There is both joy and mystery.

When I was a child, I knew I needed a Savior, mainly because that is what I was taught.
But I generally depended on my parents for any needs.

Now, I know that needs in life go beyond the help of any human.
I NEED a Savior that is beyond human.
Beyond parents or doctor.
Beyond myself.

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18:2 NIV

You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.
Isaiah 26:3-4 NIV

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

June 5
was my every 6-month CT scan.

It is humbling when someone looks inside of me:
whether inside my body, inside my head, or inside my soul.
It reminds me of my humanity
as opposed to
God's deity.

Maybe I would look back and say, "I thought there might be poor results on a CT scan,
because the tech did not talk to me as much after the procedure."
Or maybe I could say, "I knew it would be fine,
because I just knew it."

But the fact is, I did not know.
I could not guess.

I can have faith that God will take care of me.
But that is not the same.

God will take care of me,
whatever the CT results.

As we say,
"God is good...
All the time!
All the time...
God is good!

Whatever the circumstances.
God is God, beyond me, beyond my understanding and wisdom.
Available, dependable.
Almighty.





June 13
was my regular 6-month appointment with Dr. Malviya.
Quality time.

Drum roll:
The CT scan was clear!
-  "without evidence to suggest metastasis or recurrence of the tumor".

Dr. Malviya answered my list of questions and addressed necessary issues.

John and I checked out with (dear) Maureen, and left the office while it was still daylight!
John took me to dinner, and we celebrated.

I stopped by John's meeting and invited, "Ask me how I am."
"Wonderful!" I bubbled.

I am celebrating 4 1/2 years since my surgery.
And I am celebrating moments.
With thanksgiving!

Thank you for celebrating life with me!



"...even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand-
when I awake, I am still with you.

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:12-18, 23-24  (NIV)

(John just used this passage in last Sunday's sermon.)

Lessons at a Grocery Store - Medicine Aisle

Wednesday,  I stopped at the store after my foot doctor appointment (Dr. Mozen said,  "It is healing well;  come back in a year!).  As I walked through the aisle of medicines, I briefly noted that I did not need anything in that aisle.

And I gave thanks. 


We ponder your steadfast love,  O God,
in the midst of your temple,
Your name, O God, like your praise,
reaches to the ends of the earth.
Psalm 48 9-10

Focus on Praise

Psalm 34:1-5

I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
I will glory in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.

I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

A Jacob Story

I was agitated.
I struggled.
I didn't think of it is a Jacob-like experience at the time.
But later, the connection came.

The voice kept calling my name, insistently,
"Laura. " "Laura." "Laura."
"Look at me." "LOOK at me." "Look at ME."

It was more than someone taking my face between their hands to direct my attention.
It was a wresting of my whole body.
There was not so much a visual aspect, but if there was, it might be a little like the Navy Seal character on NCIS-LA.

God wrestled me.
I twisted and turned.
But he said in my ear,
"Laura, Laura, sweetie, Look at me."
It kept up.
Relentlessly.
God was getting my attention.
"Look at me," was the message, "not at your fear."
(And while we are at it, not at the world.)

It later reminded me of trying to manage a determined squirming toddler into a car seat.
And whenever I squirmed throughout the day, he called/turned/wrestled me back,
"Laura, Laura-honey, look at me."

What is it to wrestle with God?
I do not know about Jacob.
But for me, the wresting was like saving a drowning person,
as in "Stop splashing and thrashing, so I can save you."

"Laura, Laura, look at Me.
I love you."

~~~

"Then the man said, 'Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,
because you have struggled with God and with men/humans,
and have overcome/prevailed.'"
Genesis 32:28 (NIV & NRSV)


"Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,
for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,
until the destroying storms pass by.
I cry to God Most High,
to God who fulfills his purpose for me.
He will send from heaven and save me,
.....
God will send forth his steadfast love and his faithfulness."
Psalm 57:1-3

Who Loves You?

Nobody loves you like your Mommy and Daddy.
At least that is how I think it should be.

I think of that often as I visit with my parents, whether by phone or in person.
I am so glad to hear their voices.
I so appreciate their love and commitment.
So often they drop what that are doing to talk to or help me!
I come away knowing I have been given a dear deep gift of love.
My whole life.
Mom and Dad have taught me love by loving.
And they have modeled God's love by living love.

With thanks...

"Love one another."
(from John 13:34)