Disciple

Ah, tonight was "Disciple Bible Study", that 34-week class John and I are co-leading this year. Well, we have been until my surgery in January. Then I was not even able to do my homework or come to class, much less be a leader. But the last two weeks, I came for half the class time (one of the two hours). And tonight, I got to help him lead again. Other classmates have been graciously taking turns co-leading with John. How lovely to share their unique gifts in unexpected ways.

It was good to be back. I so appreciated everyone filling in. But I knew that there will be other times they will be needed again. So this last week of chemo cycle #1, I figured I should have enough energy to do my homework and do my part.

I love being with them. They are busy with families and work and other volunteer activities. Some are helping as overnight hosts at church for "Hospitality Week" (a rotating shelter for people who are currently without an address) and other tasks. But they make it a priority to spend time with God each week - each day - to read and study his word, to really dig in to the context of the writing and to find application for their lives. They also pray for each other daily.

We met at Jan and Larry's tonight, as the church is full with our week's overnight guests. What warm hospitality. There are 16 of us, and if one is ever missing, they are sorely missed and prayed for.

Oh, how they love one another. Certainly, this is Beloved Community.

Walking by Default

My visiting nurse (from whom I am now discharged) had told me to walk around my house at least 3 minutes, three times per day (more if able). It helps to keep the blood and air flowing to prevent pneumonia and blood clots, and maybe to keep up a little strength and energy in general.

Normally, I would not have chosen to exercise by walking circles around my house. It tends to make people nervous to see someone walking back and forth in a confined space. But it is too cold and icy for outdoor walks, and simpler than mall walks. So here I am. My family is coping (and sometimes joining in).

When I was still in the hospital, I walked by default. I did not get much sleep in the hospital bed on my back. So sometimes I would just get up in the night and walk around the halls until the battery on my IV pole ran too low and started beeping incessantly.

Now, I walk (when I have the energy) because I was told to do so, but also because it feels good. I walk with my thoughts and prayers in the quiet. I walk to the rhythm of Sheryl Crow's "Out of Our Heads and Into Our Hearts" (gift from a teenager). I walk when I am on the phone and when I floss my teeth. When my sister was here, she walked with me, but cautioned John to explain to anyone who looked in the windows why it looked like she was chasing me.

I also am reminded of a song we learned in my childhood church called, "In the Garden" about walking with God. "And he walks with me and he talks with me, and he tells me I am his own. And the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known."

I am thankful for walks.

Thanks for Comments

Thank you for all the comments you write after these entries. I read them all with much appreciation.

"See, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh;
is anything too hard for me?"
Jeremiah 32:27

These are the words Ron Keller referred to after Monday's entry.
The context is that Jerusalem is going to be carried off to Babylon.
A very tough time.

But God also speaks hopeful words, that he will bring them back, that he will be with them and take care of them, that he will always be their God.

I was recently feeling pretty good, and was wondering if I was suffering enough to warrant all the prayers and good wishes and attention and cards and food and head-coverings...
Today, I received a report I had been waiting for, that said the cancer was not as confined as I had hoped.
What does that all mean?
I will talk to my doctor in a week.
In the meantime, I am on the course of treatment that is necessary.

I want to live a long time.
I want to feel more certain.
But who ever knows about the future?
Who can control their life or birth or their height or number of days?
There is so much mystery.

All I know is that God is mighty, beyond my comprehension, full of mercy and grace, and that he walks with me, and holds me. Nothing is too hard for him.

To My Northville Church Family - A Minister's Wife's Perspective

You have heard that we are moving.
Perhaps in yesterday's or today's mail you have heard of the person who is coming here.

My prayers are with you as you welcome that new person into this church family, and join together in ministry.

A new pastor is a big change for you.
A new congregation and new town are a big change for a pastor too.

As our new Royal Oak Staff-Parish Committee said,
"It is our job to support you."

Blessings and best wishes.

What Does "Shedding" Hair Feel Like?

I thought it would just fall out quietly, without much notice. But there is a little tenderness to it. It is a little like wearing hair in a certain way, maybe parted a certain way, or back in a ponytail, then changing it.

A Week With My Sister

John was away this past week for Board of Ordained Ministry meetings (where they interviewed candidates for ordination). He would have stayed home if needed, but there was a more creative idea. Bonnie, my sister, came from Erie, PA to watch over me! What fun! She took me to get my lab work done, and to lunch, and to the libray to get movies to keep us company indoors.

"The Girl in the Cafe"
We thought we would get light movies, hoping for medicinal laughter. We have yet to discover those hilarious movies. But we did enjoy what we saw, and I must recommend one in particular: "The Girl in the Cafe". It is not just the "chick flick" the title might suggest. It is a "must see". Run to check it out from your nearest library. (Or if you are not lucky enough to have a library, rent it or buy it.) See it. See it. See it. It is an Important Movie (Don't be surprised if you laugh in places too.)


What Did Make Me Laugh
Bonnie had an electronic game about the size of a yo-yo called "20 Questions". I was terrible at it. The little machine was supposed to ask questions that would figure out what I was thinking. Thinking ahead to Royal Oak, my first thought was "the Detroit Zoo". The game asked questions like "animal, vegetable, mineral" or "Is it big?" or "Would you find it in a zoo?" I was stumped by many of the questions, but at least my husband was amused by my facial expressions.

Birthday Cake
Before she came, Bonnie had asked what kind of birthday cake I wanted. I told her the kind Mom always made: banana cake with peanut butter frosting (maybe it is southern). Bonnie had never made it before, so called Mom for the recipe. It was delicious!



I'm Identifying With:

1) Menopausal Women
Yes, you know those clothes-drenching hot flashes you have been telling me about?
I now understand.

2) Bald Men and Anyone with Short Hair
Wow, it's cold!
When I first got my hair cut, I went around the house with a (winter) scarf around my neck.
Now, sometimes, I just throw the whole "prayer shawl" around my head and shoulders.


I'm Shedding.
Oh, by the way, yesterday, I noticed my hair starting to "shed".
I would say, the chemo must be working!

A Blessed Birthday
I'm 53 today. James and Sarah spent their afternoon making dinner and a birthday cake (yellow with chocolate frosting with Sarah's mom's recipe and Sarah's chocolate pudding ingredient invention). Yum!

Then tonight at Disciple Bible Study (I am starting to get out more), besides studying the book of Acts, our friends brought goodies and also gave me a lovely variety of CD's to help pass those chemo, etc. hours.

I think I will sleep well.

We're Moving

What: John, James, and I are moving. John is being appointed to a new church.
Where: Royal Oak First United Methodist Church
When: June
This was announced at both churches Sunday morning.

Story

Tuesday - Where I Was
My Home Health Nurse had told me three ingredients for healing are:
1) Protein
2) Comfort
3) No/minimal stress

Tuesday morning, I had intentionally decided to let a particular stressor go. I acknowledged my job for the next six months or so is to undergo chemotherapy treatments and to concentrate on healing.

Then came Tuesday night... and a phone call for John.
The Cabinet was assigning him a new appointment.
We would be moving.

I had just encouraged our son James who had been looking for housing in his price range and close enough to his job in Plymouth, to not worry, that I thought we were "safe", that no one would move us in the middle of chemotherapy.

Just shows how self-centered the life of a cancer patient can be.

Life goes on!


Processing
A lot of emotions and processing can be involved with unexpected news. But by Friday night, when John, James and I went to the "Introductory Meeting" with the Staff-Parish Committee at the Royal Oak church, we were mentally open to new possibilities.

The people were wonderful and welcoming!
Plus - bonus surprise - longtime school friend, Kip G-T was on the committee and added her own warmth and enthusiasm.

Meeting Each Other
I was concerned for the group when I said I had cancer.
The room was quiet; what can one say?

There we were:
Their terrific new pastor.
The 24-year-old son who was willing to be involved and active.
Then the wife... so broken and vulnerable.

I had mentally prepared a little speech in case they had questions:
"Would I have expected to move in the middle of chemotherapy?
No, but I had not expected to go to Africa either.
And I did last summer with John's sabbatical.
I found that God's unexpected blessings and grace are no less real, in fact, more real, than any I could imagine."

But they never questioned.
Instead, this group of people on the Royal Oak Staff-Parish Committe said,
"It is our job to support you."
"We will help make this work for you."
"Let us know what you need."

Wow.
Such unexpected blessings and grace.

The Body of Christ...
alive...for us.... in us.

My concept of "home" is expanding.
I trust God - and the Royal Oak people - are preparing a place for me.
And a place in me, for them.