Early Morning Thoughts of a Woman Two Days from Her Hysterectomy

Waking
How could I think anything in the middle of the night? But I think I woke up with this question. This November's ultasound report said my uterus measured 13.2 centimeters. Last year it was reported as 7.8 cm. The year before, it was 11 cm. It looked like I was two or three months pregnant. (That is how doctors describe it.) At some point, should we have done something besides Watch?

We always like to think, "We caught it early." I would still like to think so. But now, my oncologist's plan is to also take lymph nodes. Beyond the initial plan. So what if we didn't "catch it early"?

Then I opened up a letter from a friend filled with love and inspiration and hope and faith in God.

Sure, there are questions.

But there are also friends who help to cushion them.

You are the face of God to me.

"..I was hungry and you gave me something to eat,
I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink,
I was a stranger and you invited me in,
I needed clothes and you clothed me,
I was sick and you took care of me,
I was in prison and you came to visit me."
When?
"...Just as you did it to the least of these (my brothers),you did it to me."
Matthew 25:35-36, 40


Did I Just Not See You?
Several years ago, Carrie (my daughter) and I watched a movie called, "Runaway Bride". I thought it would be fluff, and yet, I remember a certain substance. The Julia Roberts character asked the Richard Gere character what happened to his first marriage, and suggested he ask his former wife if he did not know.

"Did I just not see you?" he asked the first-wife character.
"No, you didn't".

How basic. To be seen. To be known, acknowledged, understood, recognized.

This reminds me of John's and my last Sunday in South Africa. Someone at church told us "Thank you for visiting us; you have made us human." That saying is a very gracious way of welcoming a stranger, and affirming the African idea that "People are people by virtue of other people".

As God said to Adam in the beginning, It is not good to be alone. You are not complete.

Sometimes, we think of ourselves as the ones doing the serving. But right now, I am the one in need. Dr. Hakim (gyn) said there is more to this picture of inconclusive test results. I will not let this go. He sent me to Dr. Malviya (oncologist). Dr. Malviya Saw me. And while I was trying to be an uncomplaining woman, he said there is more to this picture, and I want to see more.

I will not let you go. I will hold your hand. I will walk with you. I will carry you. Not their words exactly. But messages I hear from them and loved ones who are the face of Jesus to me.


Besides Questions - Stories

The Mall
Thursday, after being at Dr. Malviya's office for the second time this week, John and I went to the mall on errands (something to wear after surgery). As we walked among the stores and people, I realized it was the first time I had been in a mall since last July in Johannesburg, South Africa. Mm. Good memory together.


Peter Storey
John has been attending a yearly conference for pastors of large churches. This year he did not. However, we both benefited from one of their scheduled speakers, Dr. Peter Storey, former Presiding Bishop of the Methodist Church of Southern Africa. We had seen him and his wife Elizabeth both in Cape Town and in Johannesburg last summer. Tuesday, Peter was flying in by way of Amsterdam, through the Detroit airport, down to Orlando. So John and I drove out to Metro to find him between flights. He is always detained and questioned by Homeland Security when he travels, because he was active in the anti-apartheid movement. But this time, the wait was minimal. We were so glad to have those moments with Peter!

Breakfast
This morning, first thing, I took my thyroid pill, then dutifully waited as usual. By time for breakfast, I was hungry and started to pour myself a bowl of Shredded Wheat. I promptly poured it back, remembering today is my "full liquids diet" day.

Yogurt is good too.