Focus on Praise

Psalm 34:1-5

I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
I will glory in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.

I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

A Jacob Story

I was agitated.
I struggled.
I didn't think of it is a Jacob-like experience at the time.
But later, the connection came.

The voice kept calling my name, insistently,
"Laura. " "Laura." "Laura."
"Look at me." "LOOK at me." "Look at ME."

It was more than someone taking my face between their hands to direct my attention.
It was a wresting of my whole body.
There was not so much a visual aspect, but if there was, it might be a little like the Navy Seal character on NCIS-LA.

God wrestled me.
I twisted and turned.
But he said in my ear,
"Laura, Laura, sweetie, Look at me."
It kept up.
Relentlessly.
God was getting my attention.
"Look at me," was the message, "not at your fear."
(And while we are at it, not at the world.)

It later reminded me of trying to manage a determined squirming toddler into a car seat.
And whenever I squirmed throughout the day, he called/turned/wrestled me back,
"Laura, Laura-honey, look at me."

What is it to wrestle with God?
I do not know about Jacob.
But for me, the wresting was like saving a drowning person,
as in "Stop splashing and thrashing, so I can save you."

"Laura, Laura, look at Me.
I love you."

~~~

"Then the man said, 'Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,
because you have struggled with God and with men/humans,
and have overcome/prevailed.'"
Genesis 32:28 (NIV & NRSV)


"Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,
for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,
until the destroying storms pass by.
I cry to God Most High,
to God who fulfills his purpose for me.
He will send from heaven and save me,
.....
God will send forth his steadfast love and his faithfulness."
Psalm 57:1-3

Who Loves You?

Nobody loves you like your Mommy and Daddy.
At least that is how I think it should be.

I think of that often as I visit with my parents, whether by phone or in person.
I am so glad to hear their voices.
I so appreciate their love and commitment.
So often they drop what that are doing to talk to or help me!
I come away knowing I have been given a dear deep gift of love.
My whole life.
Mom and Dad have taught me love by loving.
And they have modeled God's love by living love.

With thanks...

"Love one another."
(from John 13:34)

Hugs

Hugs
There may be various meanings of hugs.
This is one:
I am really here
and
I am not alone.

Latest tests

Results came in the mail for the May blood tests: the CA-125 (ovarian cancer marker) and the kidney tests (a week before each CT to make sure I can take the IV contrast). Everything looks good. CA-125 is still 11 (good that it is not moving up).

The CT scan was Wednesday. Very kind people were both working and in the waiting room (one woman with colon cancer, one who had a brain scan).

I am waiting for the results of that. I may find out by a mailing. Or I may find out at my next appointment. There is a certain peace in this waiting.


I have been reading the Gospel of Mark. I noticed these themes as I was reading chapter 10:

- People/crowds came to Jesus for his teaching and healing.
- Pharisees came for testing him.
- There were separate intimate teaching sessions for his disciples.
- Jesus spoke for and blest the vulnerable (children, poor).
- Jesus understood and spoke about his mission (betrayal, death, living again, and servant leadership).

I also love the story with Bartimaeus, when Jesus asked him, "What do you want me to do for you?"

"I want to see," Bartimaeus responded.

"Go," Jesus said, "your faith has healed you."

And the response of Bartimaeus, upon receiving his sight?

He followed Jesus.

I love that response and that reminder, that our reponse to Jesus' healing is to follow him.

When Jesus heals, there is a different direction and a different energy.
Life is different.

11

Results are in for Wednesday's CA-125 (blood test): 11. :)
My test in March had gone up to 13 (start of a pattern?), so I am very happy with 11!
I am so thankful, so thankful.

Picture reminder - birthday notes

As I am writing this,I am reminding myself to be more intentional about taking and including photos!

Who took me to lunch on Tuesday?
Kind and fun friend, Kim C.

Who took me to lunch on Wednesday (when John has staff meetings over lunch)?
My dear brother Allan, who also invited James

With whom did I spend my birthday evening?
Wednesday evening supper at church; Christian yoga class at church; Stewardship meeting at church

How did I get to church that evening?
I walked with John, who had left the car in the lot earlier and walked home for me.

Who surprised me with chocolate birthday cake and ice cream?
John, who after our meetings, told me to watch my feet when I entered the car. There was a white cake box on the floor that he had found time to buy earlier. So we ate cake and ice cream around 10:00 pm.

Who was the first to call on my birthday morning?
My dear mom and dad!

Who left birthday greetings on my phone?
My dear sister Bonnie and Charlie, dear John's mom, and Sandy B.

Who called three times that day?
Carrie! (Who said she was stalking me on my birthday. Very funny, Princess!)

Who is making dinner for me on Friday?
John and James. I love looking forward to food - and time with you!


Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
Psalm 100

My Birthday

March 2.
Today is my birthday!
I am 56.
And I am glad to be here!
Thank you to everyone who helped me celebrate today, this week, and every day!
You fill my life with love.

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."
Psalm 118:24 NIV

Colonoscopy Experience (#2)

There seems to be a colonoscopy comradery. When I bought the prep formula at the pharmacy, the pharmacy assistant commented on her own experience (several years ago), and joked about the taste and the volume of the drink. And when I walked into the hospital yesterday morning for the test, the women volunteering at the information desk also commented, "Ah honey, the worst is over."

I found such friendliness, because we shared a common experience.

They made me smile. They made me laugh. We were in it together!

I worried. But everyone, beginning with the schedulers, were very kind.

Once at the procedure prep room, I had an oxygen monitor (clothespin-like object) on a finger on one hand, an IV in my other arm, and a few heart monitor stickers stuck on my chest. They were taking good care of me.

I was wheeled into a small room, where we waited a bit for the doctor. I had no idea so many people were involved. The person who monitored the anesthetic and all my vital signs was closest to my head, and explained who would be there. There would also be Dr. Bradley Warren (gastroenterologist), Nurse Sharon, the Tech, and the "fellow" working with Dr. Warren.

I turned on my side, thinking the place seemed a bit noisy, but appreciating how soft the pillow was. What a soft, soft pillow. So comfortable...

And that is all I remembered until I woke up again in the larger room with multiple patients (was this a different room than before? Not sure.). I opened my eyes and saw John sitting next to me.

And then Dr. Warren came and explained that I was fine. I was fine!
Well, except for hemorrhoids, for which I need to be more diligent about eating my fiber (25 grams per day). And come back in five years.

I will! I will!

Here is one list: High-fiber foods, Mayo Clinic.
Here is another: Dietary Fiber Chart.
(The numbers sometimes vary.)

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him,
so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13 NIV

Two Celebrations

Oxygen
Sometimes I wake up, not quite ready for the new day (not having had quite enough sleep).
But one recent morning, I awoke feeling particularly wonderful.
Wonderful and well!
One explanation is that a recent cold was going away, and that I was breathing clearly.
Ah, the simple joy of breathing!

Dress-up
John and I finally got to try out the Cross Country Ski Headquarters near Roscommon with our activities group from church a few weeks ago. A lovely trip!

On the drive up, John and I stopped at my parents' house. John was still in the back room chatting with my dad, and I was catching up with my mom. Then she asked me to go to a closet and bring out some old dresses that had belonged to grandmothers. One looked like a nightgown. One was made by a great-grandmother. One was surprisingly elegant. I tried them all on (and modeled them for the men). What fun! It had been such a long day and a long drive in the dark and snow. But then I laughed and played with my mom.

How easily I can let stress color... everything.

How thankful I was, and am, for my mom who brought out my playfulness.


"This is the day that the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it."
Psalm 118:24 NIV

Celebrate each day and don't take tomorrow for granted.

I hadn't meant to wait almost a month before posting again.

A couple weeks ago, John's mom's 19 year-old Eagle Scout neighbor, Bryan Wolf died.
A primary word used to describe him was "thoughtful".
He had been very friendly and helpful with John's mom.

As we left the funeral, his dad asked "And how are YOU?"
What a kind thing to ask in the midst of his grief.
Thoughtful.

I said that I celebrate each day and do not take tomorrow for granted....
which seemed to make sense to him.

That is my prayer also.

Three Years, with Gratitude and Love

Today is the 3-year anniversary of my surgery.
My most recent tests (November CT scan, etc.) did not show any recurrance.
I am feeling good.
I am glad to be here.

My hair has grown back.
(I am liking to keep it short right now though.)

Reflecting...
I am reminded that I am not defined by one experience in life.
But also, I am not invulnerable.
Both.
This is a reminder for me, and a life-lesson for my children.

Whatever difficulty may be in your life right now,
does not define your whole life.
There may be an area to get past.
It may be temporary.
Do what you need to do to get through it...
to move along on your journey...
with many other gifts and experiences and dimensions.

But you also know that you are a vulnerable human being.
We never know, nor get to choose, some things that come our way.

I slightly smile to myself at a small voice in me that says (knowing better really),
"If I just did not have this cancer shadow,
I would be normal like everyone else, and live forever."

We are all vulnerable.
We are all complex.

We have an amazing God,
who loved us so much,
He gave everything for us.
He made us in his own image, so he knows exactly how complex we are,
and what gifts we have to develop and to share.

He also understands our needs.
He is strong and dependable.
Whether life's difficulties are from our choices or things that just appear,
He does not say (as earthly parents might),
"You should have thought of this earlier,"
or "Why didn't you (fill-in-the-blank)?"

He holds you close, then takes your hand to walk
together.
You may not see where the next step may be.
He will guide you....
physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

His love is bigger than cancer,
bigger than jobs,
or having no job,
bigger than changes,
bigger than discouragement and disappointment,
bigger than tiredness,
bigger than loneliness,
bigger than stress and pressure,
bigger than anger or fear,
bigger than this life.
His love is eternal.

My dear children,
God's love is the one thing you can depend on.
And because of that love, we can love and be loved by others.

Today, I am so thankful for you.
You bless my life!
- Your mom, who loves you so much.


Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.
Praise the LORD.
Psalm 150:6 NIV

Every day with Jesus

A quotation from a calendar on my kitchen windowsill:

"This uneasiness about the future is unwholesome for you.
We must leave to God all that depends on Him,
and think only of being faithful in all that depends upon ourselves."
Francois Fenelon

This quotation speaks to me about perspective.
(Interesting wording: "This uneasiness" is actually "unwholesome".)
I am very aware that the days of earthly life are limited.

And yet (note to self), why dwell on the worry and let that get in the way of living?
Instead, focus on the moments of life, the joy of life, the depth of life!
Be thankful for God, the mighty God beyond-time-and-space, who walks through life with me,
like friends walking home from school, baring souls.
And be thankful for family and friends, who care even when I am not looking.

Jesus, I pray to be more intentional about your presence in my life.


Matthew 6:25-26,33
"‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear.
Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them....
But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."