Tuesday in Traverse City

Yesterday, John and I traveled to what was our family's home-town for 8 years, Traverse City. We saw a few friends and the blue-green bay. We ate well and slept well, and will soon be headed back to my parents' at Comins, about 2 hours east of here.

The home-town feelings stay with us.

Sunday in Comins

John and I went to church this morning with Mom and Dad at Comins Mennonite Church. (We noticed there were more people in their "little country church" than in the larger churches we have been visiting on our trips to Philly.) What a nice service ("Compassion" theme) and Sunday School, and what a feeling of community. It was also very welcoming to hear them say that they have been praying for me. Thank you.

Reading. I just finished reading a book that my mom had found, called Flame of Anger (by Eric Clark), an African missionary novel written in the 1960's. It is always interesting to see different perspectives of different times.

Up North

Thursday, John and I came up north to my mom and dad's place near Mio. We are spending a week of John's vacation with them. Monday, we will make an overnight trip to Traverse and will see a a couple friends there, then come back here. It is beautiful to see spring blossoming out. We got to walk in the woods today. We talked about choosing a tree for next Christmas.

Pollyanna

One night when I couldn't sleep, I looked for a book that would be simple and pleasant to read before I tried to sleep again. I choose Pollyanna (by Eleanor H. Porter), remembering not all the details, but that the main character was a little girl who made a game out of looking for something good in every situation.

That reminds me of some thoughts on moving. I had not considered it a game, but a way of organizing thoughts. Over the years of moving, I have found two categories: the grieving category and the moving on category.

Moving is always hard. So it helps to consider both. The Grieving Category begins with some obvious things that make me glad to be here: "I will miss....my friends and my first-floor laundry."

The Moving On category includes things that loosen my hold on a place: "I will not miss ... ." So there can be purpose in recognizing what I will not miss, in that it helps free me to move on to the next place.

Of course, at the same time, I can begin to think of the good things to come.

Thank you for praying for me.

It is both uplifting and humbling.

I expect to feel differently all the time. But this week, I have felt a more "normal" lightness and energy than perhaps I have felt since surgery. So thank you for praying.

Thanks for praying my threefold health prayer with me:
1) that the chemo finds all the cancer cells;
2) that the chemo effectively destroys all the cancer; and that
3) my body will be so healthy, cancer will not return.


Thanks also for praying that fear will subside.

I recently read a Morning Prayer (from Prayers and Promises by Ed Dobson with ALS), which recounted his experience with a friend/pastor from the First Assembly of God in Grand Rapids, who counseled him, "Do not become obsessed with healing. Get lost in the wonder of God, and who knows what God will do for you."

Dobson wrote,"Get lost in the wonder of God. I had been lost in the wonder of my disease. Now I was being told to get lost in the wonder of God."

Dobson continued, "So I have tried to lift my focus above my disease and keep it connected to the wonder of God. The God who created and sustains the universe. The God who created me..."

That is my prayer as well, to be lost, absorbed, in God's wonder.

Dobson cites:
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.....And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4: 12-14, 19 (NIV)

Children's Prayers
I am especially thankful for children's prayers. I recently received a card from a friend, who wrote of her third-grade Sunday School class' prayers. When John told me that others at Youth Club were also praying for me, I was very thankful (and surprised). And even though I was entering the "nadir" (lowerd immune period 7-14 days after chemotherapy), I needed to attend the "Joy Singers Musical" (4th-6th grades) Wednesday night. They beautifully (and humorously) told the story of Jesus friends, sisters Mary and Martha and their brother Lazarus. They examined the question of "How much do we do good works and how much do we take time for our relationship with God?"

Jesus' teaching just prior to the raising of Lazarus:
"I am the resurrection and the life.
Those that believe in me, even though they die, will live,
and everyone who lives and believes in me, will never die.
Do you believe this?"
John 11:25-26 (NRSV)

Health Insurance

Yesterday, Lynn drove me to Dr. Malviya's office for the Neulasta shot that I get 24 hours after chemotherapy. It is a bone marrow booster, to try to prevent infections from a weakened immune system. It was a quick visit. But costly. Once again, I am grateful and humbled to have health insurance that allows me these treatments.

My Friend's Discovery

A friend recently told me about her experience of being new and finding her place in an organization. She said at first, it seemed that some people knew exactly what was going on and what to do. They seemed to present themselves as knowledgeable and authoritative. Then she realized that, in fact, perhaps they were simply out-spoken. Seems insightful. We all have a place and a voice.

Back Aleady!

I am back from chemotherapy #3 already!
Everything went fine.
(The chemo process seems pretty gentle at the time, from the combination of drugs.)
As always, thanks for prayers!
Now I am hungry!
(Thanks Marie!)

Chemotherapy Prayer

"Blessed are you God our God, King of the universe...."

"A morning prayer from the book Prayers and Promises by Ed Dobson tells of a time that the author and his son attended a year of weekly classes on conversion to Judaism at a local (Grand Rapids) synagogue. Their purpose was not to convert from Christianity, but to understand Judaism better.

Dobson wrote:

One of the things we learned was the official Jewish blessing. When Christians pray over their food, they often ask God to bless it. From a Jewish point of view, this is very foolish. After all, God has already blessed the food. He sent the rain. He sent the sunshine. He provided good farmland for growing crops. And
he gave farmers the ability to grow the food and bakers the ability to bake the bread. So rather than asking God to bless the food, Jews bless God for the food.

Dobson said that they pray with the formula, "Blessed are you God our God, King of the universe...." with the topic "Who brings forth bread from the earth" at mealtime, and with many other subjects throughout the day.

My prayer for chemotherapy has been:
Lord, please help the chemo drugs to find the cancer cells;
to effectively destroy them; and
to help my other cells be so healthy that the cancer cells cannot grow back.

I will apply Dobson's prayer suggestion for my situation:
Blessed are you God our God, King of the universe,
who knows where the cancer cells are

and uses medicine to destroy cancer,
and who brings health and life in my vulnerability.

Blessed are you God our God, King of the universe....

To Philly & Back

Visiting Carrie

A week ago Wednesday (after stopping for a "blood draw" at the hospital), John and I drove (John actually drove) to Philadelphia to stay with Carrie for a few days. It was a long drive, a long day, but the roads were good, and the timing turned out to be good for traffic as well. (My doctor just said to stop and walk around every couple hours and to wear surgical stockings to prevent blood clots.) We mostly had quiet restful times for reading and visiting there in Carrie's Manayunk (area of Philly) apartment. She just moved to that particular apartment in December, so this was our first time at this sunny place. It is always good to see her!


Arnold's Way

Monday, Carrie drove us (allowing us to keep our parking space) to a little shop/restaurant she had found, called Arnold's Way, which emphasizes a raw version of healthy food. I had "Sally’s Red Salad - Sweet beet Stake, Beet, Red Pepper, Tomato, Carrot, Red Cabbage, Green Olives are all minced together and served on a bed of lettuce. " John had "Pizza - Minced Tomato, Broccoli, Mushroom, Red Pepper served with our Red Sauce on a flax, buckwheat, carrot crust'", which looked rather like a salad on crackers, but tasted really good.

There are books and products for healthy eating/living, and Arnold told us about a cancer movie he recommends. He and my oncologist have different views on the value of chemotherapy, but of course, the food was really good there!

Summerfield/Siloam UMC

Sunday morning, John and I attended a worship service at Summerfield/Siloam United Methodist Church in an area called Fishtown. The message was about living in the light of Jesus' resurrection. There was a small gathering for a 10:00 a.m. traditional worship service in a lovely city-church stone building. That was followed by their "Revolution" service; we're thinking that means "contemporary" and that it is probably their larger service. (We did not stay.)

National Constitution Center

We had not intended to do any "tourist" activities, but we felt like getting out a bit, and I loved the National Constitution Center the first time I visited a few years ago. So Tuesday we took the regional train (off-peak hours, so not too busy) downtown. (News note: This was also the location of the recent "race" speech by Barack Obama.)

Lunch at Delilah's

But first we stopped to eat at Reading Terminal Market, where I had Delilah's macaroni-and-cheese and also her collard greens (my southern heritage at odds with Arnold). We had just seen Delilah on Carrie's cooking channel!

Going on to the National Constitution Center:

A wall in the exhibit hall contains what has become one of my favorite quotations:

"The only title in our democracy superior to that of President
is the title of citizen."
Justice Louis Brandeis, 1937

The live-and-multi-media orientation presents a background of history, and concludes with the question, "How will you use your freedom?"

Disciple Connection

That question really stood out to me, as we had just been reading Galations in our Disciple Bible Study, and studying the theme of freedom. The message was that, as Christ-followers, we should not overly focus on one rule/law unless we want to be measured equally by all of them (and we would fail). The whole law can be summed up (chapter 5) "simply" as: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Words used to describe the fruit of that life: love; joy; patience; kindness; faithfulness; gentleness; self-control.


Jolynn (Errante) Agostini
Assistant Professor of Nursing, Edinboro University of Pennsylvania
(If my research is correct/current. I looked that up.)

On the way back from Philadelphia, John and I made a couple stops in Erie, PA. The first was to see Jolynn, a high school classmate and a current role-model for my cancer experience. Before our last high school reunion (five years ago), she had been treated for an aggressive form of breast cancer. She is beautifully alive and doing shiningly well, and her perspectives and wisdom have been helpful gifts. (Sorry I forgot to get her picture.)

My Sister

Then (imagine being treated like a princess), we went to my sister and her husband Charlie's house, also in Erie, where Bonnie had dinner waiting! Yum! We spent the night there and had lots of laughs. Fun for everyone!

Cuddles.
The one sad part of the trip was the news that Cuddles, Bonnie's long-time canine companion, a cuddly-little-dog-who-loved-everyone, reached the end of her life this past Monday (before we visited). Cuddles will be missed not only for her affectionate and faithful personality, but also for her part in fun family stories - like getting into my mom's zipped travel bag and eating a bag of wrapped chocolate. Cuddles was determined to enjoy life.

Back "Home"
The trip back was easier taken in two days.

Then, Friday was my pre-chemo appointment with Dr. Malviya. A relatively quiet day, it seems, as we were done by 4:30 p.m.

I did feel like a bit of fun, so walked in wearing the pink wig from Sarah. Dr. Malviya happened to be at the reception desk when I arrived, and just stared for a moment, not seeming to recognize me. Then he started laughing, and I loved it. Later, while I was waiting in an exam room, some nurses who missed my entrance came for the wig view, so I put it back on.

Sometime it feels like I think about cancer all the time: when I wake up and when I try to sleep, when I should be doing something else, and when I am doing something else. I have added many of this week's moments of warmth and laughter to my memory bank for frequent withdrawal.