Wind in My Face

My mom has the thoughtful habit of sending cards for birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, and illness. My dad has the thoughtful habit (and duty) of mailing those cards for her. It may not be at the closest post office, but wherever his motorcycle takes him. Today, I had the duty (and honor) of helping by going along for the ride.

There is a quotation (or maybe a poem... I tend not to check details as much when I am away from home), something like "One is nearer God's heart in a garden than anywhere else on earth." [But I did check after I got home. It is credited to Dorothy Frances Gurney.] Perhaps an argument could be made for substituting "on a motorcycle" for "in a garden" just by being so vulnerable. Whenever I climb on the back on the motorcycle, I am aware of the need to be ready to die (only half joking to myself). But today, the wind in my face (and there was Wind!) seemed to blow away loose cancer cells and to pump fresh healthy air into my body. And I was more aware of the need to be ready to live.

Or to take a nap. ;)

Just kidding. No nap. Afterward, we planted bush beans in his garden.

Jo's Boys

I liked playing with the Louisa May Alcott title, even though this is not just about Jo's boys.

John and I are up north for a few days, visiting my parents and generally celebrating my dad's 75th birthday.

Sunday, we all drove two hours west to visit our farm cousins at Kewadin, and to celebrate the 90th birthday of Jo (Josephine) Bargy. Every family vacation of my growing up years, we would drive up to the Bargy farm and camp out, while my dad found chores to do. I learned up close that milk comes from cows, and that cherries grow on trees, and that there is no vacation from chores. My brother learned even more intimately, as he spent the summer before his senior year of high school working there. And he keeps going back.

Jo's "boys" are sons Larry and Lon. Larry's wife Alice was not well enough to attend the birthday party. Lon's wife Ann was there, as were grandchildren and great-grandchildren, siblings, neices, nephews, cousins. A particular hero to me is Jo's granddaughter Anna, who is 10 years younger (is that all?), is married to Dan, is mother to Natalie, works at the Post Office four days a week, but also works as, and is at heart, a farmer.

How can anyone who loves to eat not love farmers?

I recently finished reading a book called The Last Farmer, An American Memoir by Howard Kohn. (It was a gift of relatives of the author when we moved from Traverse City, and it was about time I read it!) His family lived on a Saginaw Valley farm for generations. But no one of his generation stayed to take it over. There were other callings drawing them away from the farm, and an economy that made it harder to stay.

If you ask me who is more important, an oncologist or a farmer, I could not chose one, of course. Both are essential for life.

Today, back at my folks' place, according to my dad, it is time for potato planting.

"Blessed are you God our King, King of the universe, who brings forth bread from the earth..."
(Along with your partners, the farmers...)

Disciple Friends

Sunday evening was Lesson #34, our final Disciple Bible Study with this group of sixteen. What a good year together! We worshiped and prayed together and shared remembrances and the Lord's Supper.

A common perception change over the year was of the relevance of the Old Testament, and of the God of the Old Testament being a God of "grace and forgiveness, rather than an angry God". He was "always there, loving, with his arms wide open". "We are connected all the way back" to the time of the Patriarchs. Also mentioned was the application of our lessons to our prayer life and to home and every part of life.

Classmates represented a variety of ages and family situations and church backgrounds and years (or months) at this church. But they listened to each other with respect and care. They participated with dedication and insight and creativity, and they are making the world a better place beyond the classroom. They are Jesus' disciples.

We are letters written on each others' hearts.
II Corinthians 3:1-6

Sunday Sermon

Since this past weekend was Annual Conference, when all the U.M. clergy of the "Detroit Annual Conference" (eastern half of the state, plus the U.P.), plus an equal number of lay persons, gathered at Adrian College for worship and meetings, it was "Laity Sunday" at our church. That included a good sermon by Dave E. on giving our "all" to God.

An even more personal message came to me when I returned to church in the afternoon to make copies of the evening's Disciple Bible study lesson plan. Doug H. (our Sunday custodian), who was helping to pack up after the Red Cross Blood Drive, made sure the workroom was unlocked for me, and he checked if I needed anything else.

And then he told me about God's healing assurance and power in his own life. I have tried to be so open to trusting God, whatever comes into my life. Sometimes people pray, but do not always have the response they are looking for. What if this is one of those times? I do not want to be presumptuous (that God would heal me and not someone else). I try to figure out that balance. But Doug's story was full of faith in God's love and strength. It does not matter if I understand the mysteries. God was certainly with Doug in his treatments. He made a difference. He is responsible for Doug's healing. I saw Jesus' face in Doug's experience, and I heard God's voice in Doug's words of assurance.

Jesus unlocked the door for me today.

Weekend: Mosaic Theatre; Relay for Life; Shower Shopping

Mosaic Youth Theatre as Fisk Jubiliee Singers
While reading the newspaper at my most recent chemotherapy session, I was struck by an article about a Mosaic Youth Theatre presentation about a 1871 Fisk University touring choir that calmed a lynch mob with their music, particularly the spirituals. It seemed important and powerful. So, while John was away at Adrian for "Annual Conference" (United Methodist worship and church business) over the weekend, James and Sarah took me Friday night.

Relay for Life
American Cancer Society's Relay for Life: My first cancer-walk event as a "cancer survivor". Anne M. had encouraged me to participate in the Saturday morning "Survivor's Lap", as she said I am considered a "survivor" without waiting for treatment to be completed; it starts as soon as the diagnosis is made. Looking for familiar faces at Northville's Ford Field, I first found Jane S., then Anne M., and then Anne and John P., and Janet M. We were even fed breakfast! And I won flowers for being among the most recently diagnosed. Well, I never thought of that category! They're lovely.

Shower Shopping
Childhood friend Donna (Tifrea) Gurk's son Ben is getting married this summer, so I attended a shower for Ben and Rachel Saturday afternoon. I had looked up their Bed Bath & Beyond gift registry online, and knew exactly what I wanted. However, when I arrived at my local store (Haggerty and 6 Mile), they did not have that particular item. The salesperson offered to order it, and then explained an even more helpful offer. They could just send it directly to the gift registry address! What a good idea. I am including this store story in my blog, as she really made my shopping experience pleasant!

Of course, I also got to meet Rachel and to see some "longtime friends" (we don't say "old friends") at the shower. Susan, who had driven in from Chicago, even drove me back to Northville, making a stop at the grocery store. I needed milk!

CT Scan

This week's news is that my CT scan was clear. This means no new tumors were found.
Good news!

Does that mean the cancer is all gone? No, it does not say. The cancer remaining in me after surgery was in the form of loose cells. A CT scan does not pick up information that small. So there is no news at that level. The theory is that the chemotherapy is doing its job with those loose cells. And the fact that no new tumors/growths were found seems to support that.

So I will keep doing what I am doing, staying with the chemotherapy schedule, hoping, praying that the cancer cells themselves will all be found and destroyed by the chemotherapy.

Special bonus: My sister stopped by here on her way home (Erie, PA) from my mom's Mackinac Island Christian women's retreat. She told me about the retreat and how immigration changes have affected workers on the Island (familiar faces were missing).

Weekend Blessings

What a lovely weekend!

Saturday. Bonnie, my sister came today! She stopped by on her way from Erie, PA to my parents' place up north (for my mom's traditional Mackinac retreat). We had lunch out (and she made sure we had a good time in spite of my low energy).

Sunday. Mother's Day. John and I are so grateful for our mothers! Happy Mother's Day!

Monday. May 12. John's birthday! (Mother's Day and his birthday always rather over-lap.) I met John when I was 18, just out of high school, and beginning my summer job as a camp counselor at Camp Dearborn. I am honored to know you and I celebrate your life!

Watching Your Health

There was a cancellation at the dermatologist office today, so it seemed a good time for a routine check-up. My skin looks A-ok!

This seems like a good time for a commercial for keeping up with your own medical check-ups. So just in case anyone needs a reminder or may have even been avoiding a doctor's exam, here's my little nudge. Please take good care of yourself!

Chemotherapy #4

Long day. Good day.
I have completed the 3rd cycle of treatment, and begun the 4th.

Tomorrow I go back for the Neulasta shot, the bone marrow booster.
Tuesday, May 13: It is time for a "post 3rd cycle" CT scan to see that the drugs are doing what they are supposed to do.
May 21: Post chemo blood work.
June 2: Pre-chemo blood work.
June 4: Chemo # 5, combined schedule with appointment with Dr. Malviya.

At the end of May, we hope to go up north to visit my folks and to celebrate my Dad's 75th birthday, which is May 30!

I continue to pray (thanks for praying with me),
Blessed are you our Lord our God, king of the universe...
Who brings healing and new life...
Please help this chemotherapy to find all the cancer...
to effectively destroy all the cancer...
and to help my body and life to be so healthy no cancer will be able to grow back.

Saturday with Dr. Malviya

Today was my pre-chemotherapy check-up with my doctor.
I will have my next blood draw on Tuesday morning, and I will schedule a CT scan for later this month.

Questions
I always type up a sheet of questions, and I had a couple about my future.

1) Last week when I saw my parents, my dad (who motorcycles and plows snow and a garden and drives neighbors to 2-hours-away-doctor's appointments and whose 75th birthday is May 30) mentioned something about "When you are in your 70's...."

I must have assumed that I would not be here in my 70's. But now that I thought about it, I wondered if I should make assumptions either way.

2) John and I have been leading an intensive high-commitment Bible study this year. It is the time of year to start making plans if we are going to do the same thing next year in the new place (if that fits into their programming). So what about next year?

Dr. Malviya's Response
Dr. Malviya said not to make assumptions, and to go ahead and make plans for my future. If "something unforeseen" comes up, then we will deal with it.

But go ahead and make plans for my life.

I can't tell you how many kinds of tree blossoms I noticed on the way home.

But a lot, and they were beautiful.

"For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord,

plans for your welfare and not for harm,

to give you a future with hope."

Jeremiah 29:11

Friday in Northville

Wednesday, classmate David Mayhew and his wife Jan, who live a couple towns away from my parents, came over to my folks' for a lively visit.

Thursday, John and I took a quiet walk in the woods with my dad, looking for turkey dustings and morel mushrooms (which I did not touch) and everything else, including how his new trees are doing in spite of the yellow-bellied sap-suckers. I also stopped in at my mom's church sewing group to see the quilts the women were working on for the Northern Michigan Relief Sale.

Then John drove us home to Northville, where I finished my monthly classmate email newsletter. Wherever I move, I like that these people have an email connection.

The one stressful part of the vacation week was when John received a call from the Conference that "local" moves need more than one estimate from different moving companies. We have never done that before, and had thought we were all set. The woman who had already come to look in all my cupboards and closets was very soothing and comforting. She had the confidence-inspiring attitude that their company would take care of the work and worries. So John quickly (before my next chemo and "nadir") scheduled someone from another company to come and look over everything for another estimate. That estimate will be Monday, and John rearranged his appointments to be home.

In the meantime... Saturday is my next doctor's appointment and blood draw. I think Dr. Malviya may do a Pap test every month, as I have been receiving (negative) test results reports in the mail. So far, so good.

I will keep in mind:
shapes of trees and the orange-red of tiny hemlock berries;
the bright-yellow goldfinches at my folks' feeders;
deer behind my folks' house at night looking through the window at me;
hugs and laughter of friends;
kind spoken and written-words of encouragement of both friends and of people I do not even know;
cards and prayers from the 4th grade Sunday School class... including- but not limited to...:

"My name is Emily and I am a good friend of your husband. I hope you feel better soon."

"I am so sorry that you have cancer, but I know that you are wrapped up in God's blanket of love.... Love, Claire"

"I'm praying for you at home that you're going to be ok. I'm from Sunday School in 4th grade. I wanted to tell you our class is praying for you. Sorry you have cancer. I know you're going to get better. God is with you every step of the way, with you every moment. Love, Ellie"