P.S.

Maybe we should buy a big S.U.V. so John can get to work, etc!

Plus, wouldn't it help the auto industry?!!

Ha!

Advent In

A theme for the season of Advent is waiting, and there are different kinds of waiting.

Monday, I had my annual appointment with my family ("regular") doctor, Dr. Stacy O'Dowd, who keeps track of things like my thyroid. It was good to see her again.

She gave me the report that my mammogram from last week was clear. Good news!
She also said my thyroid was stable (I'm hypothyroid).
She also gave me an EKG, which she said was fine. I am thankful for each piece of health.

However, my urine sample (this blog is not for too dainty for basic body fluids) had a "little blood" in it. They sent it out to check for infection. Either way, I have to return for a recheck the Monday after Christmas. So this week, I have been waiting (not always patiently) to hear results. (I don't have lymph nodes to help with such things!) A nurse told me Wednesday (results not in yet then) that if the next check still were still not normal, they would sent me to a urologist. I have been hoping for the most simple possible explanation, thinking perhaps if there is an infection, I can take some medicine and it will be all better. The end.

They had said the results might be in Wednesday or Thursday, so today, I called the office again to ask. However, the recording said the office was closed. I assume because of the weather.

Wanting to take care of it before the weekend, I eventually called the on-call doctor, who somehow found out the results were negative. No bacteria found. Is this good news? Who knows? But I stopped being concerned about getting medicine right now. My plan had been to give them a phone number for a pharmacy within walking distance.

Did I mention that we could not get our car out today? After John cleared the driveway, he pulled into the unplowed street, trying to just stay in the tire tracks of those who had gone on before. However, the car kept getting stuck, and he managed to rock his way back into the driveway and into the garage.

He walked about a mile to a local grocery store for a few essentials. (Ok, the truth is, he was out of coffee.)

I am having fond Traverse City memories, where a dear farmer from our congregation (Jeff Aprill) always just appeared and plowed us out. I appreciate that even more today.

The snow is beautiful. It was John's day off, so though he shoveled a lot and did some work from home, he was not stressed by not being able to get out.

For James, however, that meant he could not get to Plymouth for work (could do some work from home) nor later, to Sarah's in Monroe.

As for Carrie, I talked to her a moment before 6:00, when her flight was about to leave from Dallas to Philadelphia. She had been in L.A., California a couple days for work.

Coming home. Leaving home. Being home. The wait in between.

The Year of the Perfect (Wild) Christmas Tree

(Yes, the title is similar to The Year of the Perfect Christmas Tree, which is a wonderful story and was a gift from our friend Sue W. when we lived in Traverse City. I still love it and read it every year.)

Every year, my dad says we should come up to cut our Christmas tree at his place. Every year, I thank him, but of course, with schedules and weather, it does not seem practical.

However, this year, we went. Drove up Friday. Back home Saturday (which is also my sister Bonnie's birthday!).

We also combined it with James and Sarah, and a trip they had already planned to Frankenmuth. On th e way up, we ate chicken at Zehnder's, and made a quick stop at Bronner's. I had never been to those places before.

We had a good visit with my folks, and bundled up very good for our walk in deep snow to choose our tree. Brrr. Very cold. But very beautiful! The tree is perfect, of course!
Back at home, when John set up the tree, and unbound the branches, we had a hearty laugh. It takes up most of the living room!

But it smells so good!=

Grace

Today was the day for my mammogram.
A bit of adventure.
A new place, because of moving.
I found it just fine.
The technician was very kind.
And... it only took about 10 minutes all together!
What a great beginning to a day!

Then I started out to the car.
No keys in my pocket.
No keys in my purse.
Oh, dear, maybe I left them in the car (the ignition?).
I do not remember.

I walked past rows of cars and found mine.
I was prepared to peer into the window.
But there on the ground, beside the driver's door, were my keys!

I must have laid them in my lap while gathering my papers.
Wow, am I thankful!

Growing Hair/Thought

I realize that I have been sounding rather dismissive of hair. If someone noticed that my hair was growing back (or if I pointed out that I have eye brows and lashes), I may have described how it first just seemed a whispy white/gray, but more recently seems to be developing a little color. But then I might add that is it just hair, and it does not even matter if I have it.

Wait.
In all of life, yes.
Hair is not more important than it is.
But also, it is not less important.
It is what it is.
And why not give thanks?

With joy!

Three Months!

I keep noticing the time, as I let people know my most recent medical results:
"My next CT scan is in three months."

Three months!

Three months?

Wow. That seems so far ahead, in the context of this year's events.

I have been used to thinking in 4-week increments.

A kind of cycle, everything hinging on chemotherapy.

• Chemotherapy.


• 24-hours later, go back for the bone-marrow-booster shot.


• Two weeks later, go to the hospital for a blood draw.


• The week before chemotherapy, Doctor's appointment.


• Two days before chemotherapy, another blood draw.


• Chemotherapy.


• 24-hours later, bone-marrow-booster shot...


• Recover from chemotherapy and get ready for the next one.

I am not used to looking ahead three months!

I am not complaining.
But I am not giving up my being grateful-for-each-moment either.

Cars and Puppies: Long-term commitments
There are lots of reasons to have one car right now, including financial, encouragement to exercise my body with walking, being conscious of the environment...

But yes, one consideration in the back of my mind is the time commitment.
Leasing for two-three years?

Same with a puppy, only longer.

Still, in the meantime...
On our walk at the mall yesterday, Sue C. and I stopped by the pet store and were warmly greeted...

Photo credit: Sue C. and her phone. Thanks!

So Far, So GOOD!

I just arrived home from today's appointment with Dr. Malviya.
Everything seems fine.

CT Scan Report
And the Nov. 24 CT scan still does not show any sign of cancer return.

Woo-woo!
(I have not seen that expression of praise and thanksgiving in the Bible, but it seems to work for the moment!)

The next CT scan will be in three months.
And I will not see Dr. Malviya again for 4 months from now!

In the meantime, please keep his family and friends in India in prayer.

Thank you, thank you, thank you... for prayers, for caring, for reading.

Thank You

Waiting
I had not expected to hear the results of my CT scan (from a week ago) until my Dr. appointment on Wednesday. But when Maureen called from the office on Friday, I thought she might be calling with the results. No, she just needed to change my appointment to Thursday. That is fine.

We are beginning the season of Advent now, a time of waiting. So we all wait sometimes.

Last week
I was glad to celebrate Thanksgiving with family last week! (One never knows about the weather, but it worked out.) Mom and Dad drove down from Fairview/Comins. Bonnie and Charlie drove in from Erie, PA (with Penny the sweet dog). And Carrie drove in from Philadelphia (and gets the prize for the longest distance!). We all met at Allan's for dinner on Thursday. Uncle Buel and Aunt Betty and cousin Larry came over too (the rest of their family is out west). James, Sarah, Kendall, Eric, Jason, Kaitlin, Heather, A.J. (and the new puppy), Kevin Bargy (who stopped in).... It was so good to see everyone!

Friday, Mom and Dad went to the zoo with John and me to see the butterfly house and the aviary, but we (bundled up and) saw lots of outdoor animals as well. (Our Royal Oak tourist trip.) That evening, John's mom came over for dinner. Saturday morning, the folks left, and later Carrie left (as the weather looked more active on Sunday).

Saturday night, I realized my legs were a bit swollen. Oops! I must have been on my feet too much. They recovered quickly though.

Sunday night, our Disciple Bible study theme was the "Songs of the Heart" from Psalms. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Brutal honesty. Flowery praise. It's all in there. I am drawn to different parts each time I study them.

I love the Lord, because he has heard
my voice and my supplications.
Because he inclined his ear to me,
therefore, I will call on him as long as I live.
The snares of death encompassed me;
the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me;
I suffered distress and anguish.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
"O Lord, I pray, save my life!"

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
our God is merciful.
the Lord protects the simple;
when I was brought low, he saved me.
Return, O my soul, to your rest,
for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

For you have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling.
I walk before the Lord
in the land of the living.
I kept my faith, even when I said,
"I am greatly afflicted".....

What shall I return to the Lord
for all his bounty to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the Lord,
I will pay my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people.....

Psalm 116 (selected verses)


I especially liked that part about "I walk before the Lord in the land of the living".
It is very intentional.

I am thankful to God for breath and all of life.
I am thankful to family and friends for all your care and attention and prayers...
Thanks for reading!
And may God bless you!

CT Scan Today

John and I went to Providence Southfield early this morning for my CT scan. Everything went fine, and I am very thankful for prayers. They said that Dr. Malviya should have the results in a few days, but I do not expect to know anything until my appointment with him the Wednesday after Thanksgiving.

Afterward, John took me to breakfast at a place James told us about in Royal Oak, Cafe Muse. Scrambled eggs with mushrooms. Yum. I kept thinking about food these last few days when I could not eat!

Decorations on My Face

Reflections
Time to catch up again. I will start "light". About two weeks ago, I felt a little something on my face. Hair. I took off my glasses and moved closer to the mirror. Little eye lashes were beginning to grow. And eye brows. And even nose hairs.

The top of my head had more hair too. Earlier, there was a little hair that looked more white. Now there was a little hair and a little more color. And when I pushed up my sleeve, my skin did not feel as smooth as it had. Ah. Little arm hairs were beginning to grow.

Hair has not been all that important lately. But it was fun to notice.
(And no, at least so far, it is not curly, as some had predicted.)


Back to my story...
Way back in October, the plan was for my sister to meet at my house and spend the night, then drive me up to our folks' for our mom's retreat. As it turned out -Big surprise- they were both in the hospital that Saturday: Mom in West Branch, and Bonnie in Erie, PA. It seems Bonnie had a heart attack, and had angioplasty on Sunday night. She seems to be healing, and has started heart rehab. (exercises). We sure missed her at the retreat (and visiting at my house and along the way).

And yes, my mom was released from the hospital that Monday, and I drove us on to the retreat that day. I think she was glad to attend (good speakers, good food, good company), but was plenty tired.

I stayed with them a week and a half for her stress test appointment that next Tuesday. The good news from that was they did not find a heart problem, so were going to try adjusting medicines.

Thanks for caring and praying for them both!

Back Home
The day after I came home, I went to my Dr. Malviya appointment. It did not take all day, and I really had a good time seeing him. Plus, of course, an appointment usually proceeds a chemotherapy session. And this time, there was none.

Afterward, I have been doing some normal-person things. I have been taking yoga at church on Wednesday nights. I did have a more extensive blood draw Oct. 29, in anticipation of my CT scan, and also for my thyroid-check with my family practice doctor (Dec. 7). I finally had a dental check-up (with my same dentist from before I moved, Dr. Andress!), as I could not go during chemotherapy.

Dr. Malviya said to stay active, so am I trying to be intentional about walking. Sometimes I think I am busy. But I always feel better when I do walk. (Once I walked to church for a women's meeting, about three miles, but got a ride home.) I have a soft-pattern of walking one day a week with a classmate/neighbor. What good company!

This weekend, I got to help pass out free hot chocolate in front of the church at the Royal Oak "Holiday" parade. It was very cold, great weather for hot chocolate! A few people wanted to make donations, and it was great fun to emphasize that it was free, "Merry Christmas!" A grace-filled experience. John walked in the parade with a group from church dressed in their costumes for the Dec. 7 "Bethlehem Marketplace". (Tonight between events, John and I walked through the sets being built in the church basement. I'm really looking forward to this!)

This evening was a Royal Oak Community Thanksgiving Service, that I attended and John participated in. So we moved our Disciple Bible Study, usually in the evening, to the afternoon. This week's theme was "Comfort", which was wonderful after reading about exile. This coming week, the theme is "Worship", as we read Psalms (they are poetry, to be read aloud).

Thankgiving
This week, my folks are coming and staying at our house, and we will eat Thanksgiving dinner together at Allan's. Bonnie and Charlie are also planning to come, weather permitting. And from an even farther corner, we are hoping Carrie will be able to make it as well.

I have not been eating solid food this weekend in preparation for Monday morning's CT scan. So I am enjoying thinking about and planning food for later this week!

Mackinac Island!

After many months of silence, the voice of Laura's husband sounds forth again through the medium of the cyber pen! Laura did leave for West Branch late Sunday afternoon. She reached the hospital and saw her mother in the evening, then drove to Fairview and spent the night with her folks. She and her father returned to the hospital Monday morning to find that the decision was made to discharge Mom and schedule an appointment for a stress test a week later. In the mean time, she was given the go-ahead to proceed to Mackinac Island for the Winsome Women Retreat as planned. Unfortunately, sister Bonnie remains in the hospital in Erie, PA where she underwent angioplasty Sunday night. They are sad Bonnie can't be with them.

I talked with Laura tonight and heard that she and her mother arrived safely at Mackinaw City and are checked in at the motel. Tomorrow they float to the Island to be enriched at the retreat and enjoy quality mother-daughter time. It turns out that these days are more of a gift than they had settled for. It sounds like the drive from Fairview to Mackinaw City was beautiful. Laura said "The colors were exquisite!"

Other Hospital Experiences

Once again, thank you very much for your care and prayers. It makes a difference in my life. I am doing well, moving away from that last scheduled chemotherapy, concentrating on healing.

It is my turn to visit the hospital now. Saturday, my sister went into the hospital in Erie, PA with chest pain. That same day mom went into the hospital in West Branch, MI. I am about to go up there now to see my mom.

Hmm-mmmm-mmmmm

Thanks for your kind comments and prayers! It is very good to hear from you, including not-too-far-away "loyal readers" like Bob & Deanie, and also some longer-distance friends from places like Eaton Rapids, one of my "hometowns" Traverse City, and Berlin, Germany! (I need to keep up better - Pat & Ron: Florida?)

I am feeling more energy today, and actually got out for my walk with friend/classmate/neighbor Sue C.

After coming back, I noticed myself humming little tunes!

Post-Chemo #9

What does chemotherapy look like?
It seemed rather mysterious to me before I was so personally involved.
So here is a photo to illustrate my experience. I sat in a chair in a room with three other chairs for patients and either one or two nurses at all times.

I was attached to my IV pole which held bags of clear liquid.

The liquids included (not sure I have them all) saline solution; medicine to protect my stomach; Benadryl to help prevent allergic reaction; another medicine to help prevent nausea; and then the two different "chemotherapies", one at a time.

So one arm has the IV needle taped to my forearm (the right arm on this day). There is a pillow on my lap to provide a stable resting place for the arm (and working surface for the nurse). And my other arm (left on this day) keeps a blood pressure cuff Velcroed around my upper arm, which automatically inflates every 15 minutes to take my blood pressure.

Why don't they just give you a shot?
I would say there is too much to put in my system all at once.
It takes about 5 1/2 hours.

Pride and Vulnerability
One side effect of chemotherapy may be nausea. I once told my doctor that I thought I must be "lucky' that I did not have too much trouble with that. I even have been avoiding the post-chemo anti-nausea pills, as they tend to cause constipation. But I also saw it as an accomplishment, as in "I had some nausea, but I walked it off." Sounds tough, huh?

But tough times can't always just be walked off. There is the question of how much control do we have over our lives? Sometimes we do the best we can. But sometimes vulnerability shows through. My toughest times have tended to be about the third day or so of the cycle. But this cycle, I seemed to be hit harder, which does make sense, considering cumulative effects. I have felt not my best the last couple days, keeping in perspective that I would feel better soon. When Carol M. kindly brought over food on Thursday (a perfect day for help), I told her I would "feel better tomorrow". I expected to.

Cinderella at Gilda's Club
I had signed up for a "Spa Day" Friday at Gilda's Club.. I didn't feel much like going anywhere or eating or even drinking water. But they were holding a place for me, and there was something about reflexology, which I thought meant foot massage. Maybe I would feel better if I just went out. So I am glad I went. There was great kindness and yes, foot massage. I even felt like Cinderella when he helped me on with my socks and shoes.

Better
By Saturday, I am starting to feel better. I ate and drank some more water (which is important). And tomorrow, I plan to feel even better.

Chemotherapy #9 and a Revision

Yesterday was Chemotherapy #9, my last scheduled one! And in a few minutes, I will return to the office for my Neulasta shot. My face is a bit red from "chemo burn", and I took a nap this morning from spotty night-sleeping. I am especially praying that this treatment will find and wipe out any remaining cancer cells. Then my focus of prayer will be leaning toward the third angle, that my body and my whole self will be so healthy that cancer will not come back.

In the meantime, Kathy C. and company are outside, getting rid of overgrown shrubbery (yard cancer?). What an amazing gift she is in her continued project of bringing life and beauty to our yard!

As for the Revision... during chemotherapy yesterday, in talking with the nurse Beth, I mentioned that I would not be back for an appointment until December. She said she thought Dr. Malviya would want to see me at the end of this cycle. She checked with him, then said he did want to see me (he had just been trying to leave space for a trip with my mom and sister, but it is only a week, and I can come after that). So I will see him in October, and only skip seeing him in November.

Psalm 121 and Of Course, I Love My Doctor

On Saturday, John and I saw my doctor for my monthly check-up. (There was no wait.) He took lots of time for my questions and for working out explanations and coordinating medicine and near-future tests (like a CT scan in December). He said, since Tuesday is my last scheduled chemotherapy (#9), that my next check-up with him will not be until December. We will skip October and November.

At the end of my questions, I pulled out my phone for a little mystery story. Last month, when I had not yet uncovered my clock radio from its box, I had just set my phone for 6:30 a.m., before my 8:00 a.m. chemotherapy (#8). In the morning the phone went off, and I turned it off. But then I realized it was five minutes early. Then I realized it was not my alarm, but the phone itself. I wondered, "Who would be calling me before 6:30 in the morning?" I let it go, figuring if it was important, the person would call back. If not, it was probably a wrong number.

But finally, one day, I did a reverse look-up on the computer. To my surprise, the number was my doctor's home phone number! So at my appointment, I said I had a comic-relief story, and I showed him my phone (and think I said I was sorry for hanging up on him). He smiled when he saw his number, and explained that he likes to have all his patients' information lined up in the mornings before patients have chemotherapy, and he could not immediately find a piece of mine. I guess he found it. But the story told me something interesting about my doctor.

What commitment. My doctor was already up before 6:30 a.m. - before I was - checking my treatment plan and that all my test results were in and that everything was ready for me. And if he did not see what he needed, he would do whatever he needed to get it.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip--he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you--the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm--he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."

Psalm 121

PetSmart Therapy

On Friday, John's "day off", we went to a favorite store, REI (outdoor recreation. Since John likes to shop there so much, almost all the clothes I wear are from there...) to spend his member-rebate on a backpack to carry his computer, so he can sometimes ride his bike the three miles to work. Of course, when we move, we need to explore new stores, or different versions of familiar stores. So we found an REI in Troy, not too far away.

Then, just for fun and because I had been wanting to see a puppy, we stopped next door at the PetSmart. (Our dog Oakley died almost three years ago.) I didn't really think I would see puppies there, but it seemed like a hopeful activity. We wandered back to the PetsHotel and and Day Camp section, something I had not seen before. Through a window, we could see dogs and their people in training. We just watched for a few minutes until someone came up to us who worked there, and asked if we were waiting to pick up a dog, and then started talking to us. I said we did not have a dog right now, but just wanted to see some. She took note of my scarf-covered head and commented that yes, I had other things to deal with now. I normally do not have cancer-related tears, but her compassion suddenly made my eyes overflow. I told her I just wanted to see dogs. I just wanted to touch one. She was very dear. She said there are almost always dogs in the store and she walked us around to find one to visit. There were not any roaming at the moment, but she quietly said she would pray for me, and she kindly insisted I come back to the store another time.

I probably will.

Family Catch-up

With Mom and in the apron she made for me.

Even without kids in school, there is a certain connection to school calendars and schedules, including Sunday night Disciple Bible Study (which John I teach together) and Wednesday evening programs and more than I know!

I've kept up walks with Sue C. and also walked with Linda S., and then joined a yoga class at church with Jessica, my same teacher as before! It felt good to stretch! I am also trying to keep up with the simple back/abdominal exercises from the YMCA Healthy Back Book. But I should also be moving on to the next level by now.

Our friend Bill Adcock has been home from the hospital, with lots of tender loving care from Jean and friends.

And my parents were here for a few days this week! It was good to see them! So Tuesday, Allan and his kids (grown and working!) Kendall and Jason came over for dinner too. It was good to see all of them! I have been taken care of so much in the last several months, that I just kept thinking of random food items to make and kept busy in the kitchen beforehand.

Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel,

who alone does wondrous things.

Blessed be his glorious name forever;

may his glory fill the whole earth.

Psalm 72:18-19

Bill Adcock

My friend Bill Adcock is in the hospital in Florida, where they are caring for his heart. He is on my mind and in my prayers, and so in my blog today.

He was my parents' friend first, a part of their church youth group, back at the old Calvary Baptist Church in Dearborn, where I grew up (and where the building is now used by Hill Memorial Church of God in Christ).

I have always considered him one of the first persons to welcome me into the world of adult responsibilities when he was a member of the Nominating Committee. He asked me to serve on the Christian Education Committee when I was 18, where I learned a lot.

Sometimes it may be difficult to ask people to do something, but somehow he asked in a way that I was honored and excited.

Fast forward to when I learned to use e-mail.. He became an email buddy, sending all sorts of jolly notes. And one year, when John and I were contemplating what to do with some early spring vacation time, he encouraged us to come down and see them in Florida. I had never thought much about going to Florida, but his encouragement was warm and persistent. So, we traveled (spring of 2005, before Hurricane Katrina hit later that summer), to see Bill and Jean, along with other welcoming hosts, the Martindales, the Otts, and over in Mississippi, the Hamptons (who moved to Minnesota after the Hurricane... now thinking of Maurie and Bev too, who just had wrist surgery).

People have prayed for me so much.
I am reminded to keep lifting the names of others, as well, to God who knows, who loves, who holds us close.

This Week

Walking
This past week, I walked with John and Kip and Courtney and Sue C.

I walked to Gilda's Club, and attended a couple different "cancer support communities" (groups).

When I first went to Gilda's Club (named after comedienne Gilda Radner from "Saturday Night Live", author of It's Always Something, and who died of ovarian cancer in 1989), I was asked to complete a questionnaire. One of the questions was about how my life has changed since the cancer diagnosis.

So I wrote an answer, but I continued to think.
I do not have an old life and a new-after-diagnosis life.
I would say, every day is new and different.

Sure, a cancer diagnosis brings up the subject of death. But it is a subject everyone has in common at some point, and no one controls how long we live or when we die.

But if we did, when would we choose? After our family is grown? Settled with jobs? Married? With grandchildren? When we have a relationship with the grandchildren? When we have reached a certain age or accomplished certain tasks?

And how much suffering would we experience or observe along the way?

Who knows? So I am glad to enjoy the days and moments (and whatever).
And I am thankful for the humming.
I am wondering if someone prayed specifically for humming, as every now and then, I just hum little tunes.
Thanks!


For Better or For Worse
The comic strip story line, For Better or For Worse, ended this past weekend. We first noticed it about the time we were starting our family, and the comic strip family seemed to be growing up about the same time as ours.

It closed with a wedding and with the bride and groom visiting the sick grandfather and care-giver step-grandmother. She explains "We made a commitment - just as you did today. And although it is not easy, this is all part of loving someone - with all your heart.. and with all you have to give!"

I am considering what body part seems to work for an analogy.
Maybe commitment is the heart of love, or the brain of love, or the teeth of love.
Anyway, commitment seems to be key to keep love living.

Identity

So. I am contemplating involvement with a cancer support community. I do not know what that might mean. But it makes me think about my identity and definition. Hmm... Part of a cancer group...

I can think of identity extremes, from one end as a regular Death Machine headed straight toward destruction.
At an opposite extreme, there could be Done-with-Chemo-Done-with-Cancer, Forever Free and Going to Live Forever Like Everyone Else.

Those are both extreme, of course. I did get as close as "I am not dying today!" when I got impatient waiting for CT results. I then moved into "I am living today!"

But generally, I live in places in between. I sometimes listen to descriptions of identity from others, and decide whether or not to affirm them for myself. For example, at my last doctor visit, Dr. Malviya said "You are a walker." Hmm. I like that and want to keep it, and am trying to live up to it.

Also, after a comment that my hair(-lessness) has worked out well for the summer, he said I looked for the good. Hmm. I like that too, and want to keep it, and want to live up to it.

Another identity piece that I like to hold on to:
"...I have called you by name; you are mine.....
You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you....."
(God's message in Isaiah 43:1b,4a)

Found Treasure

I just found my clock radio and my cross-stitch needlework bag! The box was packed upside down, so when I peeked in before, I did not see what I was looking for on top!

Sometimes we cannot find what we are looking for because it is not where we expect it!

The Princess and the Pea at Gilda's Club

I call today my Princess and the Pea Day, when my bones and muscles seem extra sensitive. It took a while to drag myself out of the house, but I knew I needed to move. Fortunately, James and I had just walked last night, and found our way to the local Gilda's Club (after it was closed for the evening). It seemed like a good destination for a walk today, and I knew I would not get lost! They were very welcoming, although- interesting welcome- one person said she was sorry I had to be there. It seems worth exploring, so I "joined", and I look forward to participating.

Chemotherapy # 8

Sunday
John fit some vacation time in between my CT scan on August 12 and the doctor's appointment this past Friday (and continued on a bit). On our second vacation Sunday, we visited the First United Methodist Church of Birmingham. Good service and interesting-sounding programs. James and Sarah went with us. Then we all went to the zoo.

Monday
Whenever we move to a new place, we make an effort to try out the local activities. So Monday, John (still a vacation day) and I went down Woodward Avenue to the Michigan State Fair. (We had been there once before we were married.) My favorite part was the Miracle of Life building, where we saw lots of baby animals and a video of a calf being born. Had we arrived earlier, we might have seen a pig giving birth. Or if we had stayed later, we might have seen a ewe giving birth. Some of the animals were available to pet, and they were so adorable, but I refrained from touching. Although there were hand-washing stations, for me they signaled a warning more than permission. I figure the end of chemotherapy and my compromised immune system are in sight. I try to minimize risks (such as not shaking hands.) As for food, John and I spilt an "Elephant Ear", and it was plenty. And that leads me to my second favorite part: chocolate milk! If you go to the Dairy Barn, you can get a "bottomless" cup of chocolate milk for fifty cents! (We also got plenty of walking in both of these days.)

Tuesday
8:00 a.m. chemotherapy appointment.
The monitor machine kept beeping, even more than usual, which can happen if there is some problem that stops the flow of the IV liquid. It is likely because I move my arm, and the needle's position in the vein changes. So I read some and I ate left-handed, as the IV was in my right arm. I did not even try the cross-stich needleework I packed. At first I just tried to move minimally. But then I tried to keep my arm perfectly still after one of the nurses tried changing the tape configuation, then finally said she was just going to take it out and start all over, because every time it beeped, the medicine had stopped, and it would take too long to complete. Really? Another hole? I do not mind basically, but sometimes it might take more than one try. So I figured as long as we had one that would work if I would just keep still, it would be worth it to just keep perfectly (almost) still. I was feeling pretty sleepy anyway from the medicine they give to help not have an allergic reaction (Benadryl). We were done around 1:30 p.m. John brougth his computer, and got some work done. (Back to work!)

John's "boss" comes over
Almost as soon as we got home, John had his annual "one-on-one" appointment with his District Superintendent, who was having all his meetings in the parsonages this year.

Disciple Orientation
Then, because we scheduled this when my chemo day was Wednesday, and today would have been the day BEFORE chemo, John and I had our Orientation meeting at church for our Disciple Bible Study class. It is a lot of information all at once, but once we get into the class, it will click!

Exercise
Thanks for your exercise ball suggestion, Elizabeth! I do have one (bought in an earlier ambitious hopeful moment), but I have not used it. I would be glad to hear your ideas.

Also, I contacted someone I expected to point me in a good direction: classmate Jim C.. And he did! He suggested starting off with something less ambitious than leg lifts, and to work progressively, rather than to start right out with something quite difficult (and perhaps not even the best exercise for me). He said to excercise different muscles together, such as both the stomach and the back, as they need each other. He also recommended a book called the YMCA Healthy Back Book (which I actually ordered on Amazon.com, along with its video to try to make sure I do the exercise right! -I don't want to make things worse.) So I am looking forward the arrival of my package!

Wednesday
Tomorrow afternoon, I go back to the office for my Neulasta shot. It helps me to fend off infections, even though my white blood cells get destoyed as collateral damage. I am so grateful, as that lets me be out and about, even though I take still take precautions (hand-washing and hand-sanitizer; no shaking hands, althought I do hug; and no petting the State Fair animals - this year).

Thanks for reading, commenting, and praying!
Love,
Laura

A Visit with Dr. Malviya

Yesterday, Friday, August 22 was my doctor's visit.
8 1/2 hours at the office.

(While I was waiting, I walked around the blocks of Providence Hospital grounds a couple times, complete with sun clothes, sun hat, sun screen lotion, and walking shoes, which I later changed to sandals and clean socks, then read some of Nadine Gordimer's None to Accompany Me (set in South Africa at the end of apartheid), and then did some counted cross-stitch until I ran out of concentration. Then I watched some TV. I also visited with a couple familiar patients and a couple new ones.)

Home by 11:00 p.m.
I left the office in a thoroughly happy mood, and not just because I got to go home and eat!


Since my CT scan was clear, we were concerned with my basic body health.

Two particular action areas:

1) Some neuropathy in my toes. I need to keep walking, keep moving to help protect those nerve shields.
Invitation: If anyone wants to walk with me, that would be just what the doctor ordered!

2) Stomach muscles. I have a "very small (abdominal) hernia", weak muscle spot. I need to strengthen my stomach muscles in general. Dr. Malviya suggested left lifts. If I lie on my back and raise my heels a few inches off the floor, about 5 times every day every day this month, he says I will be ready to increase it next month. I am not good at this, but it is a place to start. Really? I did it once (not 5) so far today, and even then my small back arched up. I looked up a few directions so far: Floor or chair leg lifts; Yoga leg lifts; Alternatives. Looks like I need more research and may try different methods. I don't want my uncertainly or the difficulty to be an excuse to not to exercise!


As for the future...
(Yes, future.)
It looks like the plan is chemotherapy # 8 this Tuesday, then chemotherapy #9 in four weeks. That's it!
Then, rather than monthly doctor visits, I will come every other month.
(I almost said I would miss him, but did not.)

I am going to a retreat with my mom and sister in October, the usual week for my visit, but can wait to see him the following week!


Meantime, John sat with me all this time, reading a thick biography. Sturdy company.
And when we arrived home, we ate delicious food that James and Sarah had cooked!

Now, I must get moving!
Always, thanks for prayers and encouragement!
And, remember the open invitation to walk!

CT Results

John and I arrived home (Royal Oak, still reminding myself where I live) tonight from visiting my parents up north for a few days. James and Sarah made dinner here, and we got to sit together and chat for a while. So good to be here!

On our way home, Gail, Dr. Malviya's nurse, called my cell phone to let me know the results of the CT scan.

It was clear! There was no visible sign of disease!

It was so good to hear her message!

Lots of thoughts had run through my head in the days of waiting. There is no use guessing, of course. But I am reminded to be thankful... for health and healing, for God's grace and mercy, for the beauty around me (so evident at the folks' place), and for people who care about me.

Thanks especially to those who have prayed and who pray for me.
It is both exhilarating and humbling.
But it is also part of a bigger project than I can imagine,
to acknowledge the Creator of the Universe and to be in intimate partnership together.
It also reminds me to pray for others...


But what if the results were not clear, if they indicated more disease?
It is easy for that question to seem very large, looming.

There are so many questions in the world.
Why give that one so much importance?
What if...?

Today's results were clear.
Why let fear overshadow or dominate the goodness of life's moments?

I am thankfor for this moment, this day, these people.
And yes, always, God is with me; God loves me; God gives good gifts.


Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,
and comes down from the Father of lights,
with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
James 1:17

Vacation Weekend

Farmer's Market
We squeezed a lot into Saturday. We made our first (quick) trip to Royal Oak's Farmer's Market. John usually has Saturday morning appointments.

Woodward Dream Cruise
I have heard about this, but could not imagine what it was like. We figured we would at least experience some of it our first year here. Wow, what a lot of (old) cars!

My favorite part was the car with paint that looked a deep purple color, but seemed to change to a deep green as I moved around it.

We also saw our nurse friend, Robin, who spent some time as our guide, and who also reminded me that chemo makes skin need extra care in the sun! (We did not stay very long.)

African World Festival
We specifically wanted to see the Soweto Street Beat (drumming program from South Africa) (and to eat the food). We enjoyed meeting Peter and Isabelle, and participating in the drumming and even a bit of Zulu dancing (generous description). It was fun!

I also bought a head wrap, and the woman at the booth wrapped it around my head for me, explaining directions as she went.


Kensington Community Church
Where does a minister go on vacation? This morning it was Kensington Community Church. Their theme was the work of volunteers in the Body of Christ. (It got John and I brainstorming...) I also bought a book that Jim W. had recommended some time ago, Blue Like Jazz. So now, it is on my reading list, as soon as I am done with my current one...

Zoo

Yes! We went to the Detroit Zoo yesterday! Since we went late in the day, we only stayed about half an hour and saw a fraction of the park. We still saw plenty: animals, beautiful gardens, concert-in-picnic area, colorful birds in the aviary, otters swimming. I kep thinking, "My mom will like this, so I hope she can come see it soon!"

CT Scan Day & Other Days

Chemotherapy #7 Afterward
I last wrote two weeks ago, the day of chemotherapy #7. I have felt really pretty good. I only noticed my stomach feeling affected once, but I walked it off, and did not have to use the anti-nausea medicine (which is binding). My feet did not feel as affected as I remembered from last month, so I think the vitamin B6 Dr. Malviya suggested may be helping. (He said 50 mg, but I could only find 100 mg., so I was cutting them in half. At my last appointment, he said to just take the whole tab, as they are water soluble anyway and will just leave my system.)

Hope
Also, at my last appointment, I commented that I would like to say that I have HAD cancer. Dr. Malviya smiled, and said that people frame things how it works best for them. But scientifically (I am paraphrasing), it would be more accurate to use the past tense after five years. So, I suppose a long-term goal would be birthday #58.

Also, at my last doctor's appointment, I asked if I could go on my mom's traditional women's retreat (Win-some Women) in October (as in my understanding, I would have had my chemotherapy #9 by then). He asked how long I would be gone, and I said less than a week. He said to GO! So my sister Bonnie registered us today! (We do have to wait for an acceptance letter.)

Wednesday, July 30
...I had my Neulasta shot, which brings on some aches, but is SO valuable in helping me to be strong enough to be around people! It was good to see Robin back in the office too.

Thursday
...the day I expected to be the lowest, I mostly hung out at home. I missed Kent's call, but did see sparkling Candy.

Friday, August 1
... I would have loved to have seen Theresa and Kathy's ukulele group (had I gotten around early enough, but as it turned out, needed my sleep). John and I did stop by Ford Field later to see how Lloyd was doing with set-up for Saturday's classsmate gathering at Dearborn's Homecoming.

His work was done, but we hung around a bit there, and also ran into Kent! I was hungry (Is that the steroids, or do I just enjoy food that much?). So I had corn-on-the-cob, plus an Italian sandwich with green peppers and onions. I know I have been somewhat careful about eating "healthy", but it did have vegetables and tomato sauce.

We also had picked up Saturday's cake that morning and brought it to John's mom's to be refrigerated until Kathy would pick it up on her way to Homecoming on Saturday midday.


Saturday, August 2
Homecoming and Reunion
Edsel Ford High School 1973

I expected this to not be my personal best timing, as I did not expect peak energy. But I loved seeing people at the daytime Homecoming and evening Class Reunion, so they helped me to soar above expectations.

People came from a distance too, ex.(at Homecoming) Janey from Grand Rapids (who also spent the night with us), Terry and Tom from Chicago (who also brought flowers!), John and Jon from Chicago, Susan from Chicago, Kent from Florida, Janis from Florida, Cheryl from California, Len from Colorado, Gary from Connecticut, and Larry from New Jersey.

That evening, I gave thanks 1) that God is always with us; 2) that God always loves us; 3) and for the gathering and food.

Reunion Clothes
I have a little personal joke that may be becoming less private.
I have a Homecoming dress that is the traditional garment I wear each year to Homecoming, my sugar sack dress. It started out just as something that would be both comfortable and covering from all day in the sun. Now, I think people might not recognize me if I wore something else.

I also have a Reunion dress that I have worn for three Reunions. I did not start out to make a tradition. I bought it ten years ago at a good sale. Five years ago, I realized I had not worn it much, and Who would even notice or would care what I wore? So I decided I would wear it again, and that if it fit, I might just keep wearing it!


In Person
I enjoy the email communications I have with classmates. But I noticed a deeper satisfaction from seeing them in person. There is no substitute for sitting down face-to-face, and it is good to do so now and then!

Bill A.
Life's road is not all highs. I also received email that our Florida friend, Bill A. (an e-mail buddy, but from my parents' age), was in the hospital, seriously ill. He is since doing better, a serious prayer recipient.

Clare - Sad news
a.k.a Grandma Genitti, died last week, and I saw (my Italian) family at visitation, but could not also make the funeral. Dear Clare sure had spunk!

Rest of last week - Friday and Saturday
We enjoyed two wedding celebrations (John officiated), one for Matthew and Amanda and one for Dave L. and Marion. In the first, the groom's father was his best man. In the second, the best man was the groom's son. Good family times to be welcomed into.

Another fun part, we met and sat with Elaine Eason Steele and Anita Peek at the Saturday reception. They are involved with the Rosa and Raymond Parks Institute for Self-Development. What good conversation!

Cliftine
Sunday, I attended a Memorial Service at Dearborn Free Methodist Church for Cliftine, and saw many dear "old" friends (including Cheryl H., now in Illinois) and family members from my childhood Calvary Baptist Church.


Hospitality
Our Royal Oak church continued to be a welcoming place. John and Sheryl S. hosted a "Meet and Greet" last Monday night, where a fun and lively group gathered.

As for food
....Both Candy (Shepherd's Pie) and Kip (Tabouleh) each provided delicious and healthful dinners! Much appreciated!

Monday with a New Neighbor
Walking with another person really helps me to get out, especially in my maze-neighborhood! So classmate Sue C., who now lives within walking distance (almost), came over to share a walk!

Tuesday, CT Scan and Blood Draw Day
Sunday, after the memorial service, John Sullivan told me his Tuesday 6:30 a.m. men's prayer group would pray for me. I loved and appreciated that. Sometimes, I do feel a sheer white fear, but it is mostly passing, thanks largely to dear people who pray for me.

My previous CT scans had been at the Novi campus of Providence Hospital, and my most recent blood draws had been from Beaumont Hospital, so we had to find our way to new places and with new faces at the Southfield Providence now (because of moving). Everyone was kind and helpful. Before, I drank three large cups of clear tasteless liquid contrast. Here, I drank one milkshake-type cup of barium contrast.

I wondered if they could do the whole thing with one poke, get out the blood they needed, then use the same hole for the IV. It made sense enough to ask the question. But no, they do not do that. Oh well.

Since I had fasted for a day and a half, I looked forward to eating lunch! So John took me out! Lucky me, as now he is on vacation for a few days.

Today
I also finally joined the zoo (online) today. Last winter, when we first heard we had been assigned to move to Royal Oak, the first thing I thought about the new place was "They have a zoo!" So today was my catch-up-on-blog day, and maybe a zoo day. We still may go if it stops raining. (It stays opened later on Wednesdays.)

Results of CT Scan
According to my notes, I noticed that Gail (the nurse) called the day after my last CT Scan to say it was clear. So it is a good thing that Jasmine (CT tech) told me Dr. Malviya would have the results in "3-5 business days". So by the time they get back to me, it could be longer. I am glad she told me that so I did not expect them today.

How long is chemotherapy?
The last I knew, I expected 8-9 cycles. But nothing is set. And the results of this CT Scan are important in determining direction. Hopefully, all is clear! No new tumors. (There is no simple blood test to tell if treatment is working.)

Prayer Thought
Someone recently wrote to me about the "ask, seek, knock" scripture. She wrote about a young relative who held on to that passage through a fast leukemia diagnosis and death.

Reflection...
1) Ask, seek, knock in response to a loving caring God, with the awareness that it is not necessarily a recipe to get whatever we want in our time, but it directs our attention to the One who provides life.

2) Ask, seek, knock in a personal unique response to that mighty loving God.
Regardless of circumstances in anyone else's life.
They may get what they want.
They may not.
But if I do, it is not at someone else's expense and it does not upset a heavenly balance.
(It certainly occurs to me, why should I get health and not someone else?)
It is a mystery.
I do not understand and cannot explain any lack in the world.
But we still ask, seek, knock... expecting God's answers and blessings and abundant life.
I do believe that is what He wants.

Vanity
Another seeming random thought.
For much of my life, I had long hair.
I had heard stories that my Grandma Ryan once had hair long enough to sit on.
Mine seemed to stop short of that goal, but it was long all through my growing-up days.
Sometimes, other children (or even adults) would say something like,
"Don't ever cut your hair," or "I'll never speak to you if you ever cut your hair."
My hair seemed to give me value.
I would like to think I was completely humble about my appearance, but of course not.
However, now, with no hair (or only a bit of fuzz), I realize that my hair was not my source of pride.
One does not need to have anything special to experience vanity.
So vanity or humbleness are more inner attributes and not dependent on physical features.

Time to close for now.
Once again, thank you.
Thank you for reading, for caring, and mostly for praying.

Chemotherapy #7

Today was Chemotherapy # 7.
8:00 a.m until about 1:30 or so.

All went fine.. just one needle poke.

Before the steroids wore off, and in case my feet start hurting or getting numb, I wanted to get a load of laundry done.
So that is done!

Karen and Anna and Russell also brought over a thoughtfully prepared dinner. It is especially fun to see them, as it is also a little time to visit.

We also had a lovely "Meet & Greet" with a group from the congregation last night, graciously hosted by Josh and Liz. I had to leave early though when I remembered I was due for a dose of steroids at 8 p.m., 5 tabs 12 hours prior to chemo. The second dose was at 2:00 a.m., 5 more tabs 6 hours prior to chemo.

By now, my face is starting to feel the "chemo burn".

Tomorrow I return to the clinic for my Neulasta shot (for bone marrow protection). Then I expect to feel more aches and for my feet to be affected. However, I do expect to feel much better in about a week!

In the meantime, my Homecoming/Class Reunion events are thrown in the mix. I will be glad to see everyone!

Looking Back at Two Days

Looking back to Friday's doctor's appointment and spending time with the Waiting Room Gang.

I usually bring John, plenty of reading material, a snack, my phone, and now, plans for a walk. I hadn't planned, or was sure I wanted to, make new friends in the waiting room. Some of the other patients might be pretty sick, and I wasn't sure I wanted to hear about all their struggles. (I am reminded of a study John and I led last year, A Mile in My Shoes: Cultivating Compassion by Trevor Hudson. I did not expect to connect so closely. )

But sometimes we do chat, and this past Friday, after John left to do the wedding, a couple asked if I had children and how old they were. So I moved closer to them. Including patients and support persons, there was a whole little group. Sometimes we paid attention to the TV nearby, including a news item that Randy Pausch, author of The Last Lecture, had died. I knew something about it, but had not read it. I asked them if it was very depressing. They said it was very uplifting. But of course, it was very moving. I commented that we all know this life does not last forever. And one responded "And we knew it a long time ago." Tears came to my eyes and I brushed them off my cheeks. A few more overflowed. I am usually pretty chipper there, but I realized my feelings, in general, must be about skin-deep right now.


Looking back to Saturday evening's sermon

John connected two texts: one was "Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you." (Matthew 7:7) The other was about Abraham taking Isaac to be a sacrifice, and then God providing the lamb. I thought as I listened, that questions may come out of our situations (other worship practices may have included child sacrifice). But God provides the answers. (No, God did not want child sacrifice as part of their worship.)

Always, God provides the answers, whatever the source of the questions.

Doctor Appointment

Yesterday, I saw Dr. Malviya in preparation for Tuesday's chemotherapy. No problems were found.

I always bring something to read while waiting. I also chatted with Mom & Dad and Bonnie on the phone. But I also dressed for a walk, and walked around the block that Providence covers. Then John needed to leave to do a wedding, and I chatted with other patients and families for a while, including Linda and Al, who were there for her 4 1/2 year check-up. James and Sarah came to sit with me a while. Then John came back in time for going into the exam room. We were done by 9:00 p.m. (there about 8 hours). Again, no complaints. Just glad to be here.

I asked Dr. Malviya what time his day started.
4 a.m.

Catching Up

My Dad

Where did we leave off, and where do I need to fill in?
My dad was in the hospital in Bay City, after having emergency surgery 7 a.m. July 7.
My sister Bonnie came up and stayed with my mom in a Bay City motel.
John and I drove home late Monday, July 7.
My brother Allan left that night as well.
And that is when Carrie wrote a blog entry for that day.

That Wednesday, Bonnie drove the folks back to their house and helped settle them in. Then on Friday (July 11), she drove herself home to Erie, PA . Dad is quite sore, but thankfully, seems to be continuing to heal. He saw the doctor on Tuesday July 22.

I know that many people prayed for him and we appreciate that very much. Thanks too for dear Jan M. who drove Mom to the Bay City hospital and stayed with them and took good care of them while the family was getting up there.



Real Moving Thoughts

Recalling thoughts from the farewell activities.... I very much appreciated the goodness and kindness there, and realized that the good and the bad in a situation do not cancel each other out. They are all real.


Gifts
Food Gifts, Unpacking and Cleaning Gifts, Yard Gifts

Gifts of Food
We have been welcomed with "yummy" (as Karen C. says) meals from new friends Amy T., Donna Y., Joan J., Florence F., Shirley S., and Carol M. and Karen C.! How appreciated!

Before Chemo # 6, I realized that I was walking around the house or working in the kitchen humming. Humming! I am quite sure that without all the loving prayers and generous help, I would not hum so easily. Thank you!

Gifts of Unpacking and Cleaning
Debbie V. and Chris came over on June 30 and helped unpack and organize and shelve some books. They even brought lunch! (So glad to hear Debbie's daughter Laura is home from her year in Argentina now!)

July 11, Carol B. came all the way from the Lansing area to help. She cleaned and helped me tackle kitchen area things that were out of boxes, but had not yet found a home. She also walked with me. It was wonderful to see her, and she helped me get a step further.

Yard Work
Kathy and Bill C. (and others) have been over countless times, planting and caring for flowers and doing other yard work. How beautiful and welcoming!

You can see why I might hum!


Nesting
I sometimes find I am into "nesting" mode, making a new home for myself and my family here. The boxes are more concentrated now, but even when they were all over, more than one person commented that there seemed to be a sense of serenity here. Yes.

The Otts
To add to the fun, our first overnight guests Bishop Don and Jan Ott visited and participated in a welcoming ceremony at church two weeks ago. How fun to see them! He (who considers April 1 a holiday) did, however, introduce himself to my new neighbors as .. well, they still are unsure who he is. ;)


"Meet & Greet"
The church has organized home gatherings for our family to meet with small groups of church members. I understand the first scheduled one has been rescheduled for September, as we ended up out of town that day. The first one we attended was at the home of Patti and Noel, who it turns out, also know classmate Mary Ann W.!

This week, we gathered at the home of Pam and Andrew. What a lovely way to begin to know people! I do not remember all the names, but I am learning some.




My Medical Month

Tomorrow it is time for my monthly doctor appointment already, and am not caught up on last month!

I saw Dr. Malviya on June 27. I overheard another patient on her cell phone say she was at her "A.D.D., All Day Doctor". Ha! Indeed, I was there about 8 hours, but without one complaint.

Sheuli's Gifts
When Dr. Malviya came into the exam room, he immediately noticed my new purse on the ledge, a farewell gift from Sheuli that she brought back from her family visit to India. It is beautifully embroidered with beads and sequins and little tassels. I knew he would appreciate it!

As I remember Sheuli, I also remember that on her face, there was another gift: her gift of tears.
Dear Sheuli, I love you!


Each month, I type up a list of questions for my doctor visit. One was to help me understand better the number of cycles of chemotherapy. At first, I thought there would just be six cycles (with one infusion every four weeks). He explained that six was the basic number of cycles. After that there is about 10% more benefit. So it sounds like if the toxicity becomes too much, then the basic benefits are still done. (But for now, I think I am looking at 8-9 cycles.)

He said to watch for neuropathy of hands and feet, and he also suggested vitamin B6.

Basically, so far, so good with how I am doing.

Chemotherapy #6
It was scheduled for Wednesday, July 2, but a nurse called Monday night and asked if I could come Tuesday instead. Of course! Last time, day #3 was my hardest. So I figured this would give me an extra day to recover before Sunday. Plus, if I kept the Tuesday schedule, I would have an extra day to recover after chemo #7 before my Class Reunion on August 2.

I suppose I have been noticing some of the cumulative effects more this month. Thankfully, there was no nausea. But I may be more tired, and I did notice more numbness, especially in my feet. I am not sure if "numbness" is quite the right word. My feet ached, but did not seem to appreciate the usually very welcomed massage from John. Thankfully, my feet seem to be mostly better as the days pass.

I need to keep moving. I have been moving my fingers, and playing the piano some. As for my feet, I have not established a walking habit since moving in. Maybe I am afraid of getting lost and running out of energy! Anyway, I need to keep moving!

One small exercise. When I thought of things I would miss and things I would not miss, I listed my first-floor laundry. The laundry here is in the basement. However, that has worked out well so far, as it gives me more reason to go up and down stairs!

Tomorrow
Tomorrow is my next doctor's appointment already. Last time, it was a good opportunity to walk. I asked Maureen the receptionist, and she said he was not in from surgery yet, so I had plenty of time. So I walked for a while outdoors, then walked the halls of Providence Hospital (the Cancer Center is on its campus, but is a separate building) , as I did not want to get sunburned.

John has always been with me. He brings his computer and gets work done, or maybe he reads a book. He recently finished a biography of Harry Truman by David McCullough. Tomorrow, he will be with me for a few hours, then has to leave for a wedding. I think James will come to sit with me in the meantime!

James, by the way, took us to dinner last night for our anniversary!

Best Anniversary Ever

Today is our anniversary! #31
I am behind in writing here, as other things have been priorities.
But I plan to catch up soon.
(Sorry and thanks for patience.)
But for now, I am going to dinner!

Keeping Up With Grandpa

Hi all,
This is Carrie, Laura's daughter.

Today Mom and Dad spent the day in Bay City, MI and are now on their way home for the night. They got a phone call this morning that my grandpa (Mom's dad) was in the hospital for some pain he had over the weekend. He drove himself to the hospital in West Branch. (That's my grandpa!) When they couldn't help him, he was driven late last night / early this morning by ambulance to the hospital in Bay City. He had surgery that helped his symptoms, but we're not sure yet what was causing the problem. He'll stay in the hospital at least overnight. Please keep him in your thoughts.

A family friend, Jan, who is also Mom's classmate's wife, drove Grandma to the hospital. Grandma and Grandpa's other kids, Allan and Bonnie, came up to Bay City as well. Bonnie will stay in Bay City overnight with Grandma.

Love you, Grandpa! Keep strong, feel better, and get the heck outta that hospital!
- "Frank"

Chemo #6 Schedule Change

A nurse called late Monday afternoon to ask me to come for Chemotherapy #6 on Tuesday rather than than the scheduled Wednesday. So we went Tuesday. (I was planning to write my class newsletter and other writings, which I will have to catch up on soon.) Today, we went back for the Neulasta shot. So my next chemotherapy is on a Tuesday as well. Good idea. Now I will have an extra day to recover!

The Day After

The moving adventure continues. Dick L. was at the house (Royal Oak parsonage) today, doing more work. Two painters were here all day. Friends Susan S. and Debbie C. were also here being amazing helpers, mainly with organizing the kitchen and generally unpacking boxes and washing and putting things away. They came just because they knew I would need help. I always need help, but I am appreciative of the progress we made with their help!

Everyone managed to work around each other's tasks pretty well too (except for the paint on my pants. Woops!).

Susan is a childhood friend who now lives near Chicago. We have often celebrated birthdays together, as they are one day apart. But she is also good at mothering, so she "made" me go outside for fresh air. My doctor had encouraged exercise at last month's check-up, so I have been trying to walk outside more consistently anyway. Also, I have read that even in the midst of fatigue, exercise is encouraged. So Debbie (from Northville, who is a gifted organizer) kindly took extra time to walk around a few blocks with me. Ahhh...

As for food, Amy T. made vegetable soup which Karen and Patrick's family brought over yesterday. Our neighbor's daughter also made us cookies!

"Fare Well" in Transition

We are still staying at my brother Allan's house in Novi. The Royal Oak parsonage should have the painting finished today, and the moving company will move us in on (the revised moving date) Tuesday. (Our stuff is being stored on the truck to give the churches maximum spiffing up time for each parsonage.)

I am actually glad for a quieter day today. I am trying to be intentional about getting in walks (my chosen exercise for now), and my brother's neighborhood is good for that.

We have had some lovely going-away events. The church hosted a farewell dinner on June 7, with friends and food and fun, and even presents. It was gracious and generous, and we are grateful.

Then yesterday, our last Sunday at Northville, John preached a sermon entitled "Sincerely Yours". It was in the form of a farewell letter, modeled after Paul the apostle's leave-taking. There was also meaningful and beautiful music, hugs and kind words ... and more gifts, including a photo album and a video of the farewell dinner. Deep, deep thanks!

I attended all three services, which I do not usually do, but it was good to see everyone.

Later on, we drove to the Royal Oak parsonage to take a few things (like cleaning supplies that did not go on the truck) and to try to figure out some furniture placement before the truck arrives Tuesday morning. We also saw the new kitchen cabinets. I do not know who all is involved, but I know Kay and Dick have been hard at work. More gratitude!

Moved Out

We had a wonderful crew of movers yesterday. They worked hard and efficiently, and "our house" was empty by early evening. We finished cleaning (after John's wedding rehearsal), and decided to find Mexican food as I wanted to eat vegatables.

This morning, John officiated at Susan and Scott's wedding. What a beautiful & joyous celebration!

Afterward we stopped by "the parsonage" (no longer "our house", although our newspaper is still being delivered there through the weekend). Wow, what a terrific work crew of church volunteers who had already been hard at work all morning tearing out carpet and tile flooring and old kitchen cabinets and paneling and the family room ceiling, and were already painting bedrooms! Marie and Roger were trimming shrubs, and everyone was generally making the place a very welcoming home for the Bucks. We loved and appreciated seeing everyone!

Move in Progress

Packers were here yesterday and today. They stayed so late today, we all had pizza together. They packed up John's office last. Wow, all those book shelves are empty.

We are back at the house, which is already feeling like not-home. John and James are doing dirty-cleaning of basement and garage. They said I have been around enough dust for the day, so I am "not allowed" to help. So I am sitting at John's laptop.

John just found out tonight that our move-in date may need to be a bit later. We have to check with the moving company tomorrow if we can change it from Monday to Tuesday.

Soon (?) we will go back to my brother Allan's house to spend the night, and will be back here early in the morning to meet the movers and the truck. Friday is move-out day. Our stuff will be stored over the weekend.

John can't quite stay all day, as he has a wedding rehearsal. I'm sure he's scheduled a shower first.

Chemotherapy #5

John and I started out the week on Monday with a quick evening trip to Grand Rapids to see Peter Storey (South African Bishop), after John's full day of work, the church healing service, and a "blood draw" for me. Long day, but it was good to see friends.

Wednesday, I both had chemotherapy and (unusual schedule) also had my monthly appointment with Dr. Malviya. He explained something about lymph nodes and the need to be especially protective of my lower body. Most of my abdominal lymph nodes were removed, so infection cannot be filtered out as well. In two years, about 50% could grow back, but never all of it. (I liked the idea of having time for it to grow back. He also mentioned having a mole removed before my hair grows back.)

Other new information.
I had understood that the regimen of chemotherapy treatments consisted of 6 cycles, one every 4 weeks. So I was beginning to plan around that.

I found out it is actually 9 cycles.

That is good. A chance for more healing. I just need to readjust my thinking, as I thought July 2 would be my last one and that I would have a month to recover before my August 2 class reunion. Now Homecoming/Reunion will only be the third day after treatment #7.

Oh well. I am thankful for the opportunities of those "extra" treatments!

People sometimes ask how chemotherapy goes.
This time it took three needle-pokes to find a vein, but I normally have had pretty "good" veins.
I sit in the transfusion room with as many as three other patients and two nurses.
I have an IV transfusion in my arm for 5-6 hours, with various medicines besides the chemotherapy drugs.
I return to the office 24 hours later for a Neulasta shot (bone marrow booster).
I try to avoid the constipating Zophran (anti-nausea drug), but took one-half tab today.
The drugs, and especially the Neulasta, tend to make bones and muscles ache for a couple days.
So I am currently tender-to-the-touch.
And tired.
But I am in the process of healing.

Rest of the week
Yesterday, we drove over to the Royal Oak church to see John's office and then to see the house. Trustee Chair Kay and husband Dick (and others) are taking good care of preparing a place for us.

This evening, there is a farewell dinner at the Northville church.

Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever

It is not everyday I would have such an exotic title.

While otherwise enjoying walks through the woods and fields, John apparently encountered some of what we have heard described as a "bumper crop" of dog ticks (or wood ticks). We later found (and removed) a couple latched onto his skin (arm and back). While at his regularly scheduled checkup Monday, his doctor put him on antibiotics, just in case. (No signs of illness, mainly in the interest of taking care of me.)

I appear to have been spared from a tick-attack (as a friend termed it). I was mostly covered up with a hat and long sleeves and slippery light-colored hiking pants tucked into my socks. A couple times, I brushed something off that I assumed was a little spider. Who knows? So enjoy the woods and fields, but keep watch.

Wind in My Face

My mom has the thoughtful habit of sending cards for birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, and illness. My dad has the thoughtful habit (and duty) of mailing those cards for her. It may not be at the closest post office, but wherever his motorcycle takes him. Today, I had the duty (and honor) of helping by going along for the ride.

There is a quotation (or maybe a poem... I tend not to check details as much when I am away from home), something like "One is nearer God's heart in a garden than anywhere else on earth." [But I did check after I got home. It is credited to Dorothy Frances Gurney.] Perhaps an argument could be made for substituting "on a motorcycle" for "in a garden" just by being so vulnerable. Whenever I climb on the back on the motorcycle, I am aware of the need to be ready to die (only half joking to myself). But today, the wind in my face (and there was Wind!) seemed to blow away loose cancer cells and to pump fresh healthy air into my body. And I was more aware of the need to be ready to live.

Or to take a nap. ;)

Just kidding. No nap. Afterward, we planted bush beans in his garden.