Hmm-mmmm-mmmmm

Thanks for your kind comments and prayers! It is very good to hear from you, including not-too-far-away "loyal readers" like Bob & Deanie, and also some longer-distance friends from places like Eaton Rapids, one of my "hometowns" Traverse City, and Berlin, Germany! (I need to keep up better - Pat & Ron: Florida?)

I am feeling more energy today, and actually got out for my walk with friend/classmate/neighbor Sue C.

After coming back, I noticed myself humming little tunes!

Post-Chemo #9

What does chemotherapy look like?
It seemed rather mysterious to me before I was so personally involved.
So here is a photo to illustrate my experience. I sat in a chair in a room with three other chairs for patients and either one or two nurses at all times.

I was attached to my IV pole which held bags of clear liquid.

The liquids included (not sure I have them all) saline solution; medicine to protect my stomach; Benadryl to help prevent allergic reaction; another medicine to help prevent nausea; and then the two different "chemotherapies", one at a time.

So one arm has the IV needle taped to my forearm (the right arm on this day). There is a pillow on my lap to provide a stable resting place for the arm (and working surface for the nurse). And my other arm (left on this day) keeps a blood pressure cuff Velcroed around my upper arm, which automatically inflates every 15 minutes to take my blood pressure.

Why don't they just give you a shot?
I would say there is too much to put in my system all at once.
It takes about 5 1/2 hours.

Pride and Vulnerability
One side effect of chemotherapy may be nausea. I once told my doctor that I thought I must be "lucky' that I did not have too much trouble with that. I even have been avoiding the post-chemo anti-nausea pills, as they tend to cause constipation. But I also saw it as an accomplishment, as in "I had some nausea, but I walked it off." Sounds tough, huh?

But tough times can't always just be walked off. There is the question of how much control do we have over our lives? Sometimes we do the best we can. But sometimes vulnerability shows through. My toughest times have tended to be about the third day or so of the cycle. But this cycle, I seemed to be hit harder, which does make sense, considering cumulative effects. I have felt not my best the last couple days, keeping in perspective that I would feel better soon. When Carol M. kindly brought over food on Thursday (a perfect day for help), I told her I would "feel better tomorrow". I expected to.

Cinderella at Gilda's Club
I had signed up for a "Spa Day" Friday at Gilda's Club.. I didn't feel much like going anywhere or eating or even drinking water. But they were holding a place for me, and there was something about reflexology, which I thought meant foot massage. Maybe I would feel better if I just went out. So I am glad I went. There was great kindness and yes, foot massage. I even felt like Cinderella when he helped me on with my socks and shoes.

Better
By Saturday, I am starting to feel better. I ate and drank some more water (which is important). And tomorrow, I plan to feel even better.

Chemotherapy #9 and a Revision

Yesterday was Chemotherapy #9, my last scheduled one! And in a few minutes, I will return to the office for my Neulasta shot. My face is a bit red from "chemo burn", and I took a nap this morning from spotty night-sleeping. I am especially praying that this treatment will find and wipe out any remaining cancer cells. Then my focus of prayer will be leaning toward the third angle, that my body and my whole self will be so healthy that cancer will not come back.

In the meantime, Kathy C. and company are outside, getting rid of overgrown shrubbery (yard cancer?). What an amazing gift she is in her continued project of bringing life and beauty to our yard!

As for the Revision... during chemotherapy yesterday, in talking with the nurse Beth, I mentioned that I would not be back for an appointment until December. She said she thought Dr. Malviya would want to see me at the end of this cycle. She checked with him, then said he did want to see me (he had just been trying to leave space for a trip with my mom and sister, but it is only a week, and I can come after that). So I will see him in October, and only skip seeing him in November.

Psalm 121 and Of Course, I Love My Doctor

On Saturday, John and I saw my doctor for my monthly check-up. (There was no wait.) He took lots of time for my questions and for working out explanations and coordinating medicine and near-future tests (like a CT scan in December). He said, since Tuesday is my last scheduled chemotherapy (#9), that my next check-up with him will not be until December. We will skip October and November.

At the end of my questions, I pulled out my phone for a little mystery story. Last month, when I had not yet uncovered my clock radio from its box, I had just set my phone for 6:30 a.m., before my 8:00 a.m. chemotherapy (#8). In the morning the phone went off, and I turned it off. But then I realized it was five minutes early. Then I realized it was not my alarm, but the phone itself. I wondered, "Who would be calling me before 6:30 in the morning?" I let it go, figuring if it was important, the person would call back. If not, it was probably a wrong number.

But finally, one day, I did a reverse look-up on the computer. To my surprise, the number was my doctor's home phone number! So at my appointment, I said I had a comic-relief story, and I showed him my phone (and think I said I was sorry for hanging up on him). He smiled when he saw his number, and explained that he likes to have all his patients' information lined up in the mornings before patients have chemotherapy, and he could not immediately find a piece of mine. I guess he found it. But the story told me something interesting about my doctor.

What commitment. My doctor was already up before 6:30 a.m. - before I was - checking my treatment plan and that all my test results were in and that everything was ready for me. And if he did not see what he needed, he would do whatever he needed to get it.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip--he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you--the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm--he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."

Psalm 121

PetSmart Therapy

On Friday, John's "day off", we went to a favorite store, REI (outdoor recreation. Since John likes to shop there so much, almost all the clothes I wear are from there...) to spend his member-rebate on a backpack to carry his computer, so he can sometimes ride his bike the three miles to work. Of course, when we move, we need to explore new stores, or different versions of familiar stores. So we found an REI in Troy, not too far away.

Then, just for fun and because I had been wanting to see a puppy, we stopped next door at the PetSmart. (Our dog Oakley died almost three years ago.) I didn't really think I would see puppies there, but it seemed like a hopeful activity. We wandered back to the PetsHotel and and Day Camp section, something I had not seen before. Through a window, we could see dogs and their people in training. We just watched for a few minutes until someone came up to us who worked there, and asked if we were waiting to pick up a dog, and then started talking to us. I said we did not have a dog right now, but just wanted to see some. She took note of my scarf-covered head and commented that yes, I had other things to deal with now. I normally do not have cancer-related tears, but her compassion suddenly made my eyes overflow. I told her I just wanted to see dogs. I just wanted to touch one. She was very dear. She said there are almost always dogs in the store and she walked us around to find one to visit. There were not any roaming at the moment, but she quietly said she would pray for me, and she kindly insisted I come back to the store another time.

I probably will.

Family Catch-up

With Mom and in the apron she made for me.

Even without kids in school, there is a certain connection to school calendars and schedules, including Sunday night Disciple Bible Study (which John I teach together) and Wednesday evening programs and more than I know!

I've kept up walks with Sue C. and also walked with Linda S., and then joined a yoga class at church with Jessica, my same teacher as before! It felt good to stretch! I am also trying to keep up with the simple back/abdominal exercises from the YMCA Healthy Back Book. But I should also be moving on to the next level by now.

Our friend Bill Adcock has been home from the hospital, with lots of tender loving care from Jean and friends.

And my parents were here for a few days this week! It was good to see them! So Tuesday, Allan and his kids (grown and working!) Kendall and Jason came over for dinner too. It was good to see all of them! I have been taken care of so much in the last several months, that I just kept thinking of random food items to make and kept busy in the kitchen beforehand.

Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel,

who alone does wondrous things.

Blessed be his glorious name forever;

may his glory fill the whole earth.

Psalm 72:18-19

Bill Adcock

My friend Bill Adcock is in the hospital in Florida, where they are caring for his heart. He is on my mind and in my prayers, and so in my blog today.

He was my parents' friend first, a part of their church youth group, back at the old Calvary Baptist Church in Dearborn, where I grew up (and where the building is now used by Hill Memorial Church of God in Christ).

I have always considered him one of the first persons to welcome me into the world of adult responsibilities when he was a member of the Nominating Committee. He asked me to serve on the Christian Education Committee when I was 18, where I learned a lot.

Sometimes it may be difficult to ask people to do something, but somehow he asked in a way that I was honored and excited.

Fast forward to when I learned to use e-mail.. He became an email buddy, sending all sorts of jolly notes. And one year, when John and I were contemplating what to do with some early spring vacation time, he encouraged us to come down and see them in Florida. I had never thought much about going to Florida, but his encouragement was warm and persistent. So, we traveled (spring of 2005, before Hurricane Katrina hit later that summer), to see Bill and Jean, along with other welcoming hosts, the Martindales, the Otts, and over in Mississippi, the Hamptons (who moved to Minnesota after the Hurricane... now thinking of Maurie and Bev too, who just had wrist surgery).

People have prayed for me so much.
I am reminded to keep lifting the names of others, as well, to God who knows, who loves, who holds us close.

This Week

Walking
This past week, I walked with John and Kip and Courtney and Sue C.

I walked to Gilda's Club, and attended a couple different "cancer support communities" (groups).

When I first went to Gilda's Club (named after comedienne Gilda Radner from "Saturday Night Live", author of It's Always Something, and who died of ovarian cancer in 1989), I was asked to complete a questionnaire. One of the questions was about how my life has changed since the cancer diagnosis.

So I wrote an answer, but I continued to think.
I do not have an old life and a new-after-diagnosis life.
I would say, every day is new and different.

Sure, a cancer diagnosis brings up the subject of death. But it is a subject everyone has in common at some point, and no one controls how long we live or when we die.

But if we did, when would we choose? After our family is grown? Settled with jobs? Married? With grandchildren? When we have a relationship with the grandchildren? When we have reached a certain age or accomplished certain tasks?

And how much suffering would we experience or observe along the way?

Who knows? So I am glad to enjoy the days and moments (and whatever).
And I am thankful for the humming.
I am wondering if someone prayed specifically for humming, as every now and then, I just hum little tunes.
Thanks!


For Better or For Worse
The comic strip story line, For Better or For Worse, ended this past weekend. We first noticed it about the time we were starting our family, and the comic strip family seemed to be growing up about the same time as ours.

It closed with a wedding and with the bride and groom visiting the sick grandfather and care-giver step-grandmother. She explains "We made a commitment - just as you did today. And although it is not easy, this is all part of loving someone - with all your heart.. and with all you have to give!"

I am considering what body part seems to work for an analogy.
Maybe commitment is the heart of love, or the brain of love, or the teeth of love.
Anyway, commitment seems to be key to keep love living.